


Yours for the Holidays

by kenzz_95



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Fake/Pretend Relationship, Friends to Lovers, Holidays, M/M, Slow Burn, lots of banter, shameless fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-28
Updated: 2021-01-09
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:13:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 41,127
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27751351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kenzz_95/pseuds/kenzz_95
Summary: Leonard's extended family will not stop harassing him about bringing a significant other home, and it's ruining his holidays. In an attempt to help his friend, Jim volunteers to come back to Georgia with him as his "boyfriend", as long as Leonard will do the same thing at Jim's company New Years party. This eventually devolves into the pair of friends having a standing arrangement of pretending to be boyfriends at holiday gatherings, and really what could go wrong?
Relationships: James T. Kirk/Leonard "Bones" McCoy
Comments: 104
Kudos: 164





	1. The Idea

**Author's Note:**

> Your fave is problematic: me: has two current WIPs as well as 2 Trektober one shots I'm writing followups to, but I'm posting a new thing because...I feel like it? Anyways.
> 
> This was inspired by me watching the trailer for that Netflix movie The Holidate. I have not actually watched that movie, but I shamelessly stole their trope.
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

Leonard walked into his apartment, bags in hand, to find his roommate lounging shirtless on the couch and eating pie right out of the tin.

“Hey Bones!” Jim greeted him through a mouthful of pie, “How was Thanksgiving?”

“Fine,” he sighed, depositing his bags in the entryway. He’d take care of them later. Before his flight back from Atlanta he’d taken a Xanax and those always made him a bit sleepy. On the plus side, he’d slept from take off to landing which probably meant he took too much but he didn’t care. On the minus it was only 7 pm in San Francisco and he was a lovely combination of jet lagged and just plain tired.

“Really?” Jim asked, “Because just yesterday you texted me, with zero context, ‘get me the hell out of here before I kill someone’.”

Leonard sank down on the couch next to his best friend, grabbed the fork from his hand, and took a big bite of the chocolate pie he was eating. Jim squawked indignantly, but was ignored.

“Are you just gonna brood into my pie then?” Jim asked when Leonard still hadn’t said anything else. He always felt bad for bitching about his family around his friend, who didn’t really have one. Sure, Jim had said countless times that it didn’t bother him, but still. His problems seemed so small and stupid in comparison.

“That was the plan,” he grumbled, taking another bite of the pie. It probably wasn’t good for Jim to eat the whole thing on his own anyways.

“Booonneesssss.”

“Shut up.”

“I will as soon as you tell me what happened yesterday to make you want to kill your family.”

Leonard had probably lost this one. He and Jim were always unstoppable force vs immovable object with each other, and it really was a tossup which one of them won these little verbal tussles of theirs. 

“Several members of my extended family have apparently fallen down the rabbit hole of far right Facebook groups and, true to form, are incapable of shutting the hell up about their weird ass conspiracy theories.”

“Classic.”

“And I swear to God if my relatives don’t stop trying to set me up with every goddamn person they know…”

“Still?!” Jim asked, grabbing the fork back to take another bite of pie, “I thought you told them last Christmas to fuck off and stop doing that.”

“I did not tell my gram to fuck off, thank you very much, I do have manners unlike some people,” he shot Jim a pointed look, “But they don’t seem to give a good goddamn about my very kind request that they mind their own business. Apparently it’s ‘time for me to move on from Jocelyn’ and ‘Len it’s been almost 8 years’ and whatever the fuck.”

“Have you tried telling them you have a girlfriend who lives in Canada?”

“Coupla years ago, told them I had a partner around here, and you remember how well that worked out.”

“Right,” Jim nodded, “Have you considered  _ actually _ getting a partner?”   


“I don’t need this shit from you, you’re terrible at dating,” Leonard grumbled.

“I’m just kidding, Bones, do whatever the hell you want.”   


“It has me dreadin’ the holidays,” he continued, ignoring his friend, “I love going home but when my family can’t figure out what else to talk about other than my love life it really ain’t fun anymore. I might not go back for Christmas.”

“You can’t do that!” Jim exclaimed, sounding more like Leonard had just suggested getting a face tattoo or burning the apartment down rather than simply suggesting he may want to spend Christmas in San Francisco this year.

“I can do whatever the hell I want, actually,” Leonard pointed out.

“But you love Christmas in Georgia. You talk about it  _ all the time _ .”

“Yeah well I’m sick of getting the third degree from my entire damn family every time I set foot in the state. It ain’t worth it.”

“Okay, have you considered hiring an escort.”   


“I don’t think that’s really the solution to the problem I’m having, Jim,” he laughed a little and stole the pie fork back from his friend.

“No, I don’t mean for  _ sex _ , although you could probably stand to get some regardless, but to pose as your girlfriend at family gatherings! Or boyfriend, but given some of your family members maybe girlfriend would go over better,” Jim mused, sounding weirdly serious about this asinine idea. But really that was a very Jim Kirk thing anyways. He always had an idea. Usually they were bad, because, genius though he may be, he was also quite a dumbass.

“So, tell me how that’s gonna work. Am I just gonna put them on retainer for every major holiday for the foreseeable future? Escorts want to spend the holidays with their family too.”

“Fine, fine Bones, I’ll do it, all you had to do was ask.”

“Kid, what the hell are you going on about?”

“Oh, the things I do for you, man. Fine, Bones, I’ll pretend to be your boyfriend at your family Christmas party.”

“Are you  _ drunk _ or just stupid? Honest question.” Leonard asked. Jim gave his right eyebrow a poke, so he knew it was sitting somewhere near his hairline. He swatted his friend’s hand away and rolled his eyes.

“Think about it! It’s kind of genius, actually. You need to bring someone home to get your family off your back and I conveniently am already friends with you, have little to no shame, am not difficult for you to track down if you need my services again, am someone you naturally already talk to your family about,  _ and _ am willing to do it all for the low low price of you paying for my airfare.”

“Would that actually be cheaper than your escort plan?”

“I dunno, man, I’ve never hired an escort. I, however, pride myself on being cheap.”   


“You said it,” Leonard mumbled and Jim winked exaggeratedly and got cuffed on the back of the head as a result. “Ya see, boy genius, there are several issues with this plan. What makes you think my family’s gonna buy that we’re in a relationship serious enough to bring you home in a month when we aren’t even dating  _ now _ ?”

“Oh, that’s easy,” Jim nodded, not dissuaded from his plan in the slightest, “You, my friend, are famously tight lipped about relationships. Remember a couple years ago when I didn’t find out you had a girlfriend until three months in? And I was pissed and then you told me I was the first person you told, but then you broke up with her a couple months later anyways?”   


“What does that have to do with anything?”

“It has to do with the fact that, Bones, you probably wouldn’t tell your family if we were dating anyways! Not for a while! It’d be more than reasonable for you not to mention a partner for a few months, at the very least. And it's not like you’ve never mentioned me at all. Plus, doesn’t one of your aunts already think we’re sleeping together anyways?”

Leonard was pretty confident that it was more than just one of his aunts at this point, and in fact a fair amount of his extended family thought that he and his longterm roommate had “some sort of weird West Coast sex thing” going on, in the words on one of his aunts a couple years back. He’d ignored those rumors, because they tended to only get worse when denied. Leonard sighed,

“Just because some of my relatives think we’re friends with benefits doesn’t mean we should lean into it. If you want to come with me to Georgia for Christmas just say so, you’re more than welcome.”

“I don’t give a rat’s ass about going to  _ Georgia _ for Christmas. It’s not even snowy, what’s the point?”

“You watch your mouth, boy.”

Jim laughed and took another bite of pie, “You’re just absurdly southern when you first get back from visiting Georgia. Your accent is like ‘drunk and angry at 2 am’ levels right now.”

“And just what does that have to do with this fool plan of yours?” Leonard asked, exaggerating his drawl a little bit just for the way it made Jim smile. He’d always liked how easily he could make Jim smile.

“Look, Bones, I’m not getting anything out of this, I don’t give a shit, but if you think it’ll help get your family off your case then I’ll do it. What’re best friends for it not to pretend to be your boyfriend to shut your family up so you can actually enjoy your favorite holiday for once?”

“For the low low price of a ticket to Atlanta? How selfless of you.”

“I’ll pay for half the flight, you return the favor at my company's new years party. That guy down in finance cannot take a hint. Or this woman in one of the other development groups. Or…”   


“Okay, I get it, you’re hot stuff,” Leonard rolled his eyes and stole the fork back from his friend, helping himself to another bite of pie, “So, what’s your plan then? We pretend to be dating around the holidays so people leave us the hell alone the rest of the year?”

“Pretty much,” Jim shrugged, grabbing the fork back, “The way I see it, we both win.”

“This sounds like the plot of a bad romance movie.”

“What do you know about bad romance movies, huh Bones?”

Leonard kicked his friend and stole the fork back while he thought for a moment. This seemed, for some reason he couldn’t quite place, like a bad idea. Something told him that pretending to be in a relationship with his long time best friend was going to end up being more complicated than it seemed. But he did really want to enjoy some time with his family without the pressure of being reminded of his failures in love constantly, and he couldn’t think of anyone else he’d rather do this with. Or anyone else he’d even  _ consider _ doing this with. So he swallowed his pie and sighed,

“I’ll have to rent a tux for your damn new year’s party. You’re paying your own way to Atlanta. You’ve got a job.”

“Deal,” Jim smiled, extending his hand. Leonard shook it, returned his friend’s smile, and tried not to think about the fact that Jim Kirk was dragging him into yet another weird situation he’d never do on his own. Oh well, such was the past 8 years of his life.

Leonard hated flying more than anything else in the world. Or, well, there were probably things he would hate more, like drowning or eating a bowl full of dirt, but he didn’t have to ever actually do those things. So, in terms of things that he had to force himself to do, flying was the worst. If he could justify taking three days to drive from San Francisco to Atlanta then he would, but he didn’t have  _ that _ much vacation time and 6 days just of driving was a bit ridiculous, so he preferred to pop slightly too much Xanax and sleep the whole flight. He couldn’t have a panic attack when he was dead asleep. 

Originally, his and Jim’s flight back to Atlanta for the Christmas holidays was supposed to be a red eye. Leonard liked those best, they were late enough that he could half his meds, pop a melatonin, and still sleep the whole time. So that’s what he did, just as soon as he settled into his aisle seat, with Jim one seat away at the window. They may be, as their friends liked to say, “weirdly codependent”, but not to the extent that either of them were going to sit in the damn middle seat for hours. 

Leonard was asleep before the plane even left the gate, which was just how he wanted it, and he didn’t wake up until they were at the gate again in Atlanta. Or at least that’s what he assumed when Jim shoved his shoulders just a bit too roughly and told him to wake up. People were filing out the plane, but his first clue that something was off should’ve been that it was still pitch black outside. He didn’t notice that right away, though. In fact, he didn’t notice anything at first because he was still tired, dammit. He simply grabbed his bag from the overhead compartment and trudged off the plane like everyone else, Jim hot on his heels with his bright features set in a deep scowl.

In fact, Leonard didn’t notice that something was up until he walked back into the terminal to find himself face to face with the exact same gate he had been in just that evening, complete with a yellow “delayed” sign on the scroll board that indicated that this flight was headed for Atlanta.

“Why the fuck are we still in San Francisco?” he grumbled, looking around at the near empty terminal and the clock on the wall that proclaimed that it was past 2 am.

Jim looked at him and that grumpy expression slid off his face in an instant and suddenly he was doubled over laughing.

“Oh my God,” Jim laughed, “You thought we were in Atlanta, didn’t you? Holy shit, Bones.”

“Yeah, yeah, it’s an absolute riot,” he rolled his eyes, fighting laughing along with his friend. It  _ was  _ kind of funny, actually.

“Your face,” his friend all but giggled, bright blue eyes all scrunched up at the sides, “you should’ve seen your face.”

“You’re the worst damn fake boyfriend I’ve ever had.”

“Also the best, right?”

“Whatever. What the hell are we still doing here?” Leonard asked, settling into a seat out of the way of the rest of their flight, who looked just about as happy to be here as Jim had when they’d left the plane. His friend’s irritation had seemed to disappear completely with his laughter, as it often did. Jim sat down next to him, crossed his ankle over his knee, and plugged his phone into a nearby outlet before answering Leonard’s question,

“Yeah so apparently something on the plane was broken and they thought they could just have someone come in and fix it but that didn’t seem to work out because they kept us just sitting there at the damn gate for like 3 hours, which I feel like should be illegal. They said it’s gonna take a while, as if it hadn’t  _ already _ taken a while, so we’ve finally been freed.”

“Why don’t they just get another damn plane?”

“There are no other planes here big enough to fit everyone on this flight so unless enough people change their flights, which isn’t looking super likely this time of night and this close to Christmas, we’re stuck waiting. I feel like we’re gonna end up running into a crew issue actually, where they’ll have been on shift for too long by the time we finally get to Atlanta so even if they fix the plane we’ll just be waiting for a damn pilot, but I guess we’ll have to wait and see. How come this outlet doesn’t fucking work?”

“Because airports are the worst,” Leonard grumbled, “I hate flying.”   


“Actually!” Jim said brightly, in a tone that made it obvious he was about to say something intentionally irritating, “Since we’re on the ground right now, technically you hate not flying.”

“I hate both.”

“So you hate everything all the time? Ya know, that sounds about right for you. Let’s take a walk. I’m hungry and I need to find a working outlet. And maybe we can find something interesting going on!”

“At the airport at 2 am?” Leonard rolled his eyes, “I wouldn’t count on it.”

Leonard was right, they didn’t find anything interesting happening at the airport in the middle of the night. They both bought food from some greasy fast food place which was one of the few places open at this hour and then wandered the terminal for a while. People watching was one of Jim’s favorite hobbies, and he was insistent that the weirdness of the crowd this time of night made up for the fact that they often went minutes without seeing a single soul, something Leonard had never experienced in an airport this busy before. Finally, the pair settled at an empty gate surrounded by empty gates, barely a soul in sight, and they both stretched out, lying on their backs on back-to-back rows of airport chairs, passing Jim’s remaining fries back and forth between the chairs. Neither of them said much, and Leonard felt his eyes drooping. He could’ve fallen asleep right there on the row of uncomfortable airport chairs, his legs shoved under an armrest, if it hadn’t been for Jim groaning,

“Shit. Our flight just got rescheduled to fucking 9 am.”

“I’m never flying again,” Leonard proclaimed, reaching between the chairs and grabbing a handful of Jim’s now cool fries.

“Yeah, kinda seems like it at this point,” Jim laughed a little, “Ya know, you can sleep if you want. I’ll make sure nobody steals your luggage or draws a dick on your face.”

“Jim, if anyone’s gonna draw a dick on my face it’s gonna be you. Besides, I’d like to be able to sleep the whole way to Atlanta and I only brought so many drugs. You sure you don’t wanna sleep?”

“Nah, I don’t like sleeping in public.”

“You never cease to confuse me, kid.”

For his trouble, Leonard just got a fry thrown in his face. Sometimes he swore he was best friends with an infant.


	2. Christmas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Help, I've fallen into holiday fluff and I can't get out!
> 
> Hope you enjoy :)

Leonard and Jim spent the night alternating between wandering the airport at random and watching movies or reading while camped out at some empty gates. As the night wore on, the airport started to get more crowded, and by the time it was nearly time for their flight to leave the only place they could find to sit was at their actual gate, surrounded by people. At that point they were both completely exhausted and Leonard read the same page in his book about half a dozen times before he completely gave up and decided to just lean his head on Jim’s shoulder and stare somewhere into the middle distance, his eyelids heavy. When they finally boarded the plane, Leonard was asleep the second he buckled his seatbelt. Usually he stayed awake to listen to the safety presentation, just in case, but he couldn’t be assed this time. Maybe overwhelming exhaustion had been the cure to his aviophobia this whole time. Jim, on the other hand, pressed the side of his face against the window and scrolled through the movie offerings, bored and tired and cursing his inability to sleep in planes.

It was dark in Atlanta by the time they landed, and Leonard was once again woken up by Jim nudging his shoulders. His friend had dark circles under his eyes, and looked sort of like he had back when they’d first met, when Jim was still in college and would pull all nighters all the time. Poor kid looked like the walking dead. Leonard wanted to make some quip about how they better actually be in Atlanta this time, but decided to keep his mouth shut. Jim this tired undoubtedly meant Jim in a rather shitty mood and it was better for both of them if they just kept to themselves for a while.

Neither man spoke as they made their way through the airport and rented a car, other than Jim making Leonard promise to stop at the first place he saw that sold coffee. But the second Jim settled into the passenger side of their car, he passed out cold with his cheek pressed against the window, so Leonard only got himself a coffee at the shop and then drove the familiar road back to his gram’s house with only the sound of quiet Christmas music and Jim’s soft snoring to keep him company.

Leonard considered being nice and waking Jim up gently when he pulled in front of his gram’s old country home, but instead opted to simply pressed on the horn until Jim practically jumped out of his skin as Leonard laughed.

“Asshole,” Jim snapped, but there was a bit of humor behind the insult. Leonard rolled his eyes,

“Wake up, sleeping beauty, time to meet your fake boyfriend’s family.”

Jim yawned so big his jaw popped, “We’re here? You said you’d stop for coffee first thing.”

“I did,” Leonard held up his empty coffee cup as evidence.

“I was gonna stay awake with you. It’s like a 2 hour drive, I wanted to make sure you didn’t fall asleep and kill us or something.”

“Well that’s awfully kind of you, Jim, but you hadn’t slept a wink in 36 hours. You needed the rest. And you may notice that I did not drive the car into a ditch, so we managed alright. Now let’s go inside, I know we’re pretending to be a couple but I don’t need my gram thinkin’ we’re making out in here or something.”

“Too tired for that,” Jim agreed, stretching and cracking his back as he stepped out of the car, “Please tell me you grabbed sandwiches or something, I’m  _ starving _ .”

“Nah, my gram’ll have something for us.”

“Really? You’re making an 85 year old woman feed us at 8 pm?”   


“Jim, I promise ya that if we brought take out into this house it would not go over well for either of us. She won’t stand for it.” He wasn’t that stupid, he knew there was nothing his gram loved more than a home cooked meal, and cooking for those she loved.

There was only time for a single knock on the door before Leonard’s gram opened the door, pulling him in for a hug and a smacking kiss on the cheek. Seeing his friend get man-handled by an old woman was funny enough to make Jim chuckle a bit, but he was soon given the same treatment.

“Oh, Jim, darling, it’s so good to finally meet you,” she greeted him with a similar hug and kiss, like he was her own grandchild, “Len’s told us so much about you, we’re just pleased as punch that you’re finally in a real relationship. Poor Len’s been so lonely for so long.”

“Ok, gram,” Leonard rolled his eyes and tried not to blush. It was just Jim, so there was no reason to be embarrassed, but Jim was smirking a little and he longed to kick him in the shins, fake boyfriend or not. 

“Please do come in, I have dinner all ready for you, and Len your usual room is made up. And your aunt Helen and great aunt Mary have been waitin’ to see you. Your mama got stuck at her apartment, poor woman is makin’ enough holiday cookies to feed the entire state.”

“Oh, I’m already glad I came,” Jim beamed and followed Leonard’s gram into the house. He trailed along, desperately hoping this wasn’t a terrible mistake.

Leonard’s aunts were playing cards at the kitchen table, and while he doubted either of them would’ve paid him any mind while they were playing, they looked up at Jim and both smiled in a way that made him feel like this was about to go south.

“Jim Kirk, nice to meet you,” Jim smiled, his blue eyes sparkling somehow despite the dark circles that sat under them. The kid was a charmer, that was for sure. The two women looked up at him like they were kids in a candy store.

“Aunt Helen, Aunt Mary, I hope y’all are doing well.” Leonard attempted to distract them from whatever it was they were about to say or do. There was something about two bored old southern women that just seemed to spell trouble. Especially when they were McCoys.

“Oh, aren’t you a treat?” his aunt Helen stood up and pulled Jim in for a hug. Leonard laughed a little as his friend’s eyes bugged out.

“Len was right,” his aunt Mary wrestled Jim from Helen’s grip and gave him a tight hug herself. Jim merely stood there, back straight, eyes pleading for help. Leonard rolled his eyes and laughed. He stopped laughing though when Mary continued, “You really are  _ stunning _ . He told us about how pretty you were, but wow you’re even better looking in person.”

“Uhhh,” Jim remarked, blushing a shade of red that Leonard had never seen on his friend before, one that was probably only matched by the flush on his own cheeks.

“Mary, I didn’t say he was pretty, I called him a pretty boy. That wasn’t a compliment. Now quit flirtin’, he’s young enough to be your grandson.”

“And he’s your boyfriend,” his aunt Helen sounded both jealous and proud, “Lucky man.”

“I feel like I’m the lucky one, actually,” Jim wiggled out from between the two older women and wrapped his arm around Leonard’s waist, “There’s nobody I’d rather be with.”

“Aw, Jim, you old romantic,” Leonard tried to sound sincere, but almost ended up rolling his eyes anyways.

“Helen, Mary, we finally got Len to bring someone home, do we really want to drive him away so quickly?” Leonard’s gram asked, bringing two plates of sandwiches to the bar. Bless the woman, honestly. He mouthed his thank you, and Jim had his sandwich in his mouth before he could say anything. That was probably better, actually.

“Oh, this may have been a mistake,” Leonard flopped down onto the quilt-covered bed in the guest room he always stayed in when he was here.

“Nope, good idea,” Jim argued, as he brushed his teeth in the bathroom, “Great idea, in fact. Best idea I’ve ever had.”

“What, you like being flirted with by my aunts? This is fun for you?”

“Extremely so, yes.”

“At least nobody is guilting me over my sorry excuse for a love life. This may be worth it.”

“Of course it’s worth it,” Jim laid down next to Leonard in the bed. They were sharing, despite the southern proprietary his gram always claimed to have. It was more out of necessity than anything else, as that night his two aunts were staying as well, and the next night, Christmas Eve, a whole host of McCoys would stuff themselves in this house for the night. They’d probably actually be relegated to the floor, or maybe to an air mattress if being 35 had finally warranted Leonard better sleeping arrangements than his cousins’ children. So Leonard was grateful for the bed for the night, especially after the long day of travel they’d had, and didn’t mind sharing with Jim. It wasn’t a big deal for either of them, they’d done it before and undoubtedly would do so again.

Jim deposited his glasses, a pair with thick black frames that he detested but Leonard happened to have a bit of a soft spot for, on the bedside table. At least Leonard had successfully convinced the man to stop sleeping in his damn contacts.

“So,” Jim yawned, settling onto a pillow, “You told your aunts that I’m pretty.”

Leonard groaned, yanked the pillow from under Jim’s head, and shoved it in his face.

“Shut up, you ingrate. I have, on several occasions, referred to you as ‘my pretty boy roommate’. You do see how there’s a difference, right?”

“I’ll take the compliments where I can get them,” Jim shrugged as Leonard reached for the lamp on the bedside table and plunged them into darkness. “So, I was wondering, and I don’t want to sound like your relatives because it’s not like I give a shit but how come you haven’t found someone?”

Leonard groaned again, this time more in frustration and less in good humor. “Look, Jim, you’re tired, I’m tired, let’s not have this conversation right now.”

“Sorry, Bones, I won’t mention it again.”

“If you wanna have a conversation about why I don’t date much that’s fine, I’d just like the both of us to be a little more awake for it. And, kid, you’ve gotta be prepared to answer the same question, ya hear?”

“Loud and clear,” Jim said, then flipped over and mumbled into his pillow, seemingly already half asleep, “‘Night, Bones.”

“‘Night, Jim,” Leonard whispered, and Jim just sighed in response.

The problem with the McCoy family was that there were a lot of them, and they were all loud and a touch stubborn. Well...at least a touch. Christmas involved his gram, a couple of her siblings who had family elsewhere and were too old to travel across the country, his late father’s five brothers and sisters, as well as their families. His own mother still came, because she was an only child whose parents had both died, but it really was just a house chalked full of McCoys, McCoy spouses (who had to be a little crazy in their own way), and McCoy children. It was...a lot. Fortunately, Jim was also a lot in his own different, but somehow complimentary way. He let all of Leonard’s cousin’s children climb all over him like a damn jungle gym, and charmed the pants off everyone there, even the ones who found in him a new person to spout far right internet conspiracy theories too. And, sure, it was a little annoying how people kept coming up to Leonard and gushing over his new “boyfriend” and about how happy they were that he’d finally found love again, but the way he saw it that was just the newness of it, and the novelty of his shiny new boyfriend would wear off with time. And it did. Even as the day wore on and more McCoys kept showing up, the ones who’d been there longer were getting all excited about Jim less and less. At least when they were in front of Leonard, which was all he wanted out of this anyways. Nobody tried to set him up with anyone, nobody lectured him about moving on, so he could take the excitement for a day or so. More than one of his relatives said something akin to “finally”, which was a bit annoying, but he could handle that.

Something that he noticed as the day wore on, was that he and Jim weren’t really doing very much differently than they usually did. Jim was already a touchy son of a bitch, so Leonard wasn’t unused to the feeling of his friend’s hands casually on his body. This whole charade had them standing with their arms around each other and holding hands occasionally, but that was really the only difference aside from telling everyone they were dating now. And everyone seemed to be buying it, even though the way they talked to each other was for all intents and purposes unchanged, and largely platonic. 

Leonard was enjoying some rare quiet time rolling out pie dough in the kitchen when he was cornered by his mother for the first time that day.

“He sure is something,” Eleanor McCoy smiled at Jim out the window, who was currently being pulled to the ground by a small army of Leonard’s cousins’ children in what appeared to be some sort of odd game of football, probably with “Jim Kirk rules”, which basically meant whatever Jim thought would make the game in question more fun. 

“Yeah, you’re tellin’ me,” Leonard shook his head in fond exasperation. He probably should’ve said something about how much he loved the man, but it didn't’ feel right in the moment and he was pretty sure “fond exasperation” would still be his near constant mood with Jim even if they were dating for real.

“You’re happy, Len,” Eleanor stated simply as she pulled a bag of potatoes from the cabinet and began slicing and partially peeling. Leonard’s stomach growled. There was nothing like Eleanor McCoy’s redskin mashed potatoes.

“I’ve been happy,” he grumbled, tone completely at odds with his words.

“‘Course you have, but you seem so much more relaxed when he’s here. And, Len, that kid looks at you like you hung the stars.”

“That’s just Jim. He gets all wide-eyed and vibrant at anyone and anything he happens to like.”

“You’re probably pretty near the top of that list for him.”   


“Yeah, suppose I am,” Leonard nodded, because that wasn’t a lie and God did he hate lying to his mother. His gram and the rest of his extended family was one thing, but his mother was quite another. He’d really like to talk around this one, if he could, although that was more Jim’s forte than his.

“What changed between the two of you? For years you’ve been insistent that there was nothing but friendship between y’all and sure I didn’t believe that for a second…”

Leonard choked a little bit, then cursed under his breath as he dropped the pie crust he was transferring to the tin and it ripped in half. 

“I’m your mother, Len. I know what you look like when you’re in love. Your father, he used to get the same look when he’d talk about me.”

“I haven’t been in love with Jim this whole time,” he argued, trying to ignore the pang in his heart that always seemed to accompany a mention of his father, no matter how long it’d been since the man’s death.

“Maybe you just didn’t realize it. You McCoy men have thick skulls.”

“Very helpful,” he rolled his eyes and finally successfully transferred the crust to the pie tin. If Jim were inside he’d probably tease him, say something along the lines of “Mr. Steadiest Hands in the Hospital can’t even get a pie crust right on the first try.” But Jim wasn’t here, and he was with his mother who pinched his bicep and snapped,

“You don’t roll your eyes at your mother, Len. You may be a man now, but I’ll always be your mama. Don’t forget that.”

“Sorry, mama,” he apologized, sufficiently embarrassed about the whole situation. His mother seemed to get a bit of joy from that, as she always did, and smirked a bit,

“You never told me what made you and Jim realize that you wanted to be together.”

“Guess we just realized this was what would make us the most happy,” Leonard shrugged, sliding his pie crust into the oven. This also wasn’t a lie. His mother nodded, seemingly satisfied, and he slipped out of the kitchen before he was forced to think of anymore half truths to tell his own damn mother. Fortunately, Jim had come back inside when he’d been in the kitchen and had somehow been roped into a conversation with one of his more eccentric uncles, so he figured he’d go save his friend from whatever the hell Jim was being talked at about. Never let it be said that he wasn’t a damn good fake boyfriend.

There was by no means room for the entire McCoy clan to sit down and eat at the same time, so a lot of people were relegated to holding their plates full of food and eating while standing. Leonard settled leaning against a doorway, with Jim leaning against the other side, neither of them talking because Jim was way too busy eating.

“Holy shit,” Jim finally said, swallowing a mouthful of smoked turkey, “I’m never doing Christmas anywhere else again. Your family can  _ cook _ , Bones, damn.”

“We don’t mess around for the holidays, and my gram taught us all very well.” Leonard smiled, taking a sip of the wine he had placed on a side table next to where he was standing, and thought back to growing up learning to cook with his gram and cousins. “Once I tried to say cooking was for girls so I could go play with my friends instead and oh boy did I get an earful and a half for that,” Leonard shook his head at the memory, “never said that again.”

“You learn faster than I did,” Jim laughed, “I would’ve kept saying it to see if I could get away with it.”

“It is a miracle by every god in the universe that you’re a well adjusted adult.”   


“Aw, Bones, you think I’m well adjusted?” Jim grinned, practically preening, putting on a whole show of being highly complimented. “That’s so…”

“Oh, Len!” Jim was interrupted by one of Leonard’s youngest cousins, who was still in high school and a full entire pain in the ass, as boys that age tended to be. “If you wanted an excuse to kiss your boyfriend during family dinner you really didn’t have to be so obvious about it.”

“What in the hell are you talking about?” he asked and his cousin pointed above his head and sure enough, he and Jim were standing right under mistletoe. He cursed under his breath. He had thought he’d scoped out every last place his damn uncles had hung the stuff, but apparently he’d missed at least one bunch.

“Who put this here?” he snapped, “Travis, I swear to God if you’re moving this stuff around?”

“I dunno what you’re talkin’ about, Len,” his most troublesome uncle smirked from the couch where he was eating. But it seemed Leonard had made a slight miscalculation in shouting across the room because now everyone was looking at him, including Jim, who was giving him a pointed, questioning look. Leonard raised an eyebrow and and made eye contact with his friend and Jim nodded slightly, almost imperceptibly, so he swallowed every last drop of dignity and shame he had and pressed a soft, chaste kiss to Jim’s lips, to the delight of far too many of his busybody family members. Except for his goddamn uncle who laughed and shouted,

“Hey, you can do better than that! You got a man like that kissin’ like you’re kissin’ your granny?”

Leonard opened his mouth, to say what he wasn’t sure yet but it wasn’t going to be very nice, but before he could get the words out Jim pulled him back in and kissed him, deeper and open mouthed and not  _ at all _ like one would kiss their granny. He was practically stunned still, could barely bring himself to kiss Jim back because  _ what _ and  _ how _ and  _ why _ ? Someone, maybe multiple someones, wolf whistled, and Jim pulled away, winked, then took a bite of his jam-laden roll like nothing had just happened. As for Leonard, he picked his plate back up and hoped that eating would distract everyone from the look of shock and bemusement he was unable to keep off his features. Maybe, in hindsight, they should’ve practiced that before so they wouldn’t have their first kiss in front of a bunch of people who thought they’d been dating for months. Leonard licked his lips somewhat self-consciously - he’d never really been one for PDA - and tried not to concentrate on the fact that Jim was, pretty objectively, a really damn good kisser. He’d had lots of practice, so it made sense. What made less sense, in Leonard’s mind, was the fact that kissing Jim hadn’t felt nearly as awkward as he thought it would be to kiss his long time best friend who was practically like a brother to him. In fact, it hadn’t felt awkward at all. It had kind of felt...nice? God, maybe Jim was right, maybe he really did need to get some.

There were few things more chaotic than Leonard’s gram’s house on Christmas Eve. His aunt, who made the egg nog, had quite a heavy hand with the bourbon, so even though neither Leonard nor Jim were getting drunk that night, in case they accidentally blabbed their secret, Jim still ended up rosy cheeked and giggly and was met with accusations of not being able to hold his liquor very well. A lot of the adults were some degree of tipsy, and the children were drunk off excitement for Christmas morning while the teenagers kept trying to sneak some bourbon into their own drinks. There were dozens of people crammed into that big old farm house, and they were  _ loud _ , dammit. But despite being an introvert to his core, Leonard thrived in the specific kind of chaos only a house full of McCoys could create. And with Jim by his side, and not a single mention of “my single friend…”, Leonard was having the best Christmas he’d had in a while. It was so much easier like this.

With anyone else, he probably would’ve worried about his family overwhelming them, but Jim didn’t get overwhelmed socially very easily. Or at all. Jim was outgoing, social, charming, and seemed right at home in this strange, chaotic environment. That all changed when things started to settle down, though. Sleeping bodies were strewn all over the house, and Leonard had been deemed worthy of an air mattress this year, a cramped little thing that he shared with Jim, smack in the middle of the living room and surrounded by cousins and children of cousins who were finally dragging themselves to bed. When it got quiet enough that he thought he could actually sleep, he and Jim said their goodnights and curled up together on the little mattress, Jim’s back to Leonard’s front because the thing gave them no choice but to spoon. 

Exhausted from the day, as well as the previous one, Leonard fell asleep quickly. Sleeping anywhere was a skill he’d honed during his residency, and one he doubted he’d ever lose. He wasn’t the deepest sleeper, though, so when he stirred, rolled over, and then realized it was odd that he even  _ could _ roll over, he quickly woke the rest of the way up. The house was now fully dark and quiet, nothing but the light of the Christmas tree and the steady sounds of his whole extended family breathing. And no Jim, not anywhere in sight. Leonard briefly considered letting it go, Jim was a grown man and it wasn’t Leonard’s responsibility to know where he was and what he was doing at all times, but just going back to bed and forgetting about it was probably a pipe dream to begin with. Sure, Leonard wasn’t in charge of Jim, but he always felt more comfortable when he knew his best friend was okay, despite the man’s more reckless behavior being several years behind them. So he stretched a bit, stood up, and wove through the sea of sleeping bodies on the floor. He made his way to the kitchen, where he fixed two cups of mint tea then went to go find his best friend. Luckily, Jim was not difficult to find this time. The man in question sat on a swing on the front porch, wrapped in a blanket and staring out at the stars.

“Hey, you,” Leonard said quietly as he opened the door to the porch. Jim looked at him and smiled, then unwrapped himself from the blanket and offered one end of it to Leonard. He had a feeling that this was going to end up being a conversation, whatever this was about, so he smiled in return, sat down next to Jim so close they were pressed together from knee to shoulder, handed his friend the tea, then wrapped the blanket around his shoulders as well.

“What’s this?” Jim asked, but didn’t wait for an answer before he drank.

“I dunno, Jim, why don’t you tell me seeing as how you drank it before I could answer?”

“I’m not really a tea person.”

“Yeah, yeah, you’re welcome,” Leonard rolled his eyes, because despite not being a tea person, Jim was sipping the drink eagerly. “What’re you doin’ out here anyways? It’s the middle of the night.”

“Couldn’t sleep,” Jim shrugged, a motion Leonard felt against his own shoulders, “I have a hard time sleeping in public and, ya know, sleeping in a room with half your extended family seems to qualify.”

Suddenly Leonard felt a bit like an insensitive idiot for not seeing this coming. He’d known about Jim’s little hangup with falling asleep in public for years at that point, the man was pretty open about it although he claimed to not know where it came from. He should’ve known that sleeping in a room full of strangers wouldn’t exactly be conducive to Jim getting any sleep himself. 

“Shit, I didn’t think,” Leonard shook his head apologetically and Jim cut him off quickly,

“Nah, Bones, it’s not your fault. I thought I’d be fine, it’s so stupid, right? I slept fine last night but you throw other people in the room with me and suddenly I can’t get to sleep no matter what.”

“It ain’t anymore stupid than my aviophobia bullshit. The human brain isn’t logical. I would like to remind you, though, that there were other people in the room with you last night.”   


“Huh? Who?”

“Me, you idiot.”

“Oh, well that just doesn’t count Bones, come on.”

“My mistake,” Leonard laughed quickly then asked, “What exactly is your plan here kid? You just gonna stay up all night on this swing? You’ll freeze your ass off out here.”

“It’s barely even cold out, you’re such a wimp.”

“If you care to stop being an asshole for five seconds, I am trying to help you here.”

“Just five seconds? I think I can manage that. Hit me with it, Bones. You gonna sedate me?”   


“No I’m not gonna  _ sedate you _ ,” Leonard rolled his eyes, “I don’t carry that shit around with me everywhere I go. I’ll just trade my cousin Tommy for the futon in the study. Problem solved.”

“You think he’ll go for that?” Jim asked, “In the middle of the night?”

“Sure he will. He owes me a favor.”

“Wait, for what?”   


“Nothin’ much, I just managed to get him a rehydration IV right before his wedding after he spent all night drinking and was hungover as hell. About time I cashed in on that.”

“Bones…”

“Hush, Jim.”

“Did you just hush me?” Jim asked in mock outrage, “You can’t speak to your boyfriend like that!”

“I can talk to my own fake boyfriend however the hell I’d like, actually,” Leonard rolled his eyes and Jim snorted, a completely unattractive sound that was actually a bit endearing.

The pair sat in silence for a minute or two, both drinking their tea as Jim rocked the swing back and forth casually with his foot. Finally, Jim yawned then said, apropos of nothing,

“So, you were telling me why you never date.”

“Oh, is that what I was doing?” Leonard chuckled.

“I just don’t get it. I mean it’s not like people aren’t interested, you just never seem interested in them for some reason. So...why?”

“I dunno, Jim. It ain’t a big deal, I’m just not lookin’ to waste anyone’s time, including my own. I can’t seem to find anyone whose company I prefer to being alone, who doesn’t to some degree exhaust me to be around for significant amounts of time, and that’s just not worth it. Maybe someone’ll come around, maybe they won’t, but I’m content where I’m at now. The world doesn’t need to revolve around having a damn partner all the time.”

Jim hummed, pushed the swing back and forth another couple times, then asked,

“Wait, do I exhaust you to be around for a long time?”

“Nah, you don’t count as ‘people’.”

“I...can’t tell if that’s an insult or not,” Jim admitted.

“It’s a compliment,” Leonard said simply. Jim, extrovert extraordinaire, didn’t really understand how wonderful and  _ rare _ it was to find someone whose company felt equally or even more restful to time spent alone. As if to prove that he really didn’t get it, Jim just rolled his eyes and laughed,

“Bones, you’re so weird, man.”

“That’s rich from you, kid.”

“That feels like a cop out, ya know. You don’t date because you’d rather sit around at home? You don’t  _ actually _ sit around at home alone very often. I know this because I live with you.”   


“I dunno what to tell you. You asked why I haven’t dated much recently, I told you. Dating is a fucking miserable experience and right now I ain’t looking to add another person to my life. Simple as that. Now I do seem to recall telling you that if you grilled me on this you’d better be prepared to answer the same question yourself.”

“I feel like this is your fault, actually, because you  _ never _ warned me,” Jim complained, taking another sip of his tea and rolling his eyes.

“What the fuck are you going on about?” Leonard asked, cocking an eyebrow at his friend. Jim raised his right pointed finger as though he were about to make a very serious point,

“Ya know, a couple years back when I said I wasn’t gonna sleep with someone until the first date…”   


“Your bar, as always, is on the floor.”

“ _ Anyways _ , when I said that you never said to me, ‘oh, Jim, my inexperienced in dating but infinitely desirable friend…”   


“And here I was thinking we were having a serious conversation.”

“Quit interrupting! I swear to God, is this what it’s like talking to me?”   


“I assure you that you’re far worse.”

“My point is, Bones,” Jim continued once again, obviously fighting laughter, “You never told me that if you attempt something that’s not explicitly bound by ‘just sex, no strings’, then the other person is going to want to see you  _ constantly _ . It’s the worst.”

“Oh no, people actually want to spend time with you? You poor thing,” Leonard drawled, rolling his eyes as far back into his head as he could manage, which was quite far.

“Yeah, well, I’ve got shit to do! People to hang out with! But people get all pissy when I’d rather hang out with my friends than go out with them, even if it’s like a second date or whatever the fuck. People are clingy.”   


“And you have commitment issues.”

“Not true. I’ve committed to plenty of things.”

“The DnD campaign that Pasha set up does not count.”

“Well,” Jim pushed the swing back and forth with his foot a few more times and chewed on his lip, abruptly a lot more serious. But so were the ever changing moods of Jim Kirk. “I committed to this.”

“To being my fake boyfriend for a week?”

“I mean to being your best friend,” Jim kicked the ground a couple times, looking somewhere off into the middle distance. Leonard would love to make fun of the man for his crippling fear of vulnerability but, well, he wasn’t much better. “That’s not nothing.”

“Of course that’s not nothing,” Leonard agreed, “It’s a hell of an important thing. But…”

“No buts,” Jim cut him off. He was just going to say that committing to a friendship and committing to a relationship weren’t necessarily the same thing, but he allowed his friend to interrupt him. “I’m trying to, like, talking about feelings and shit.”

“Don’t hurt yourself,” Leonard teased, then immediately regretted it. Damn, he really was just as bad as Jim was. The comment earned him an elbow to the ribs.

“I’m not afraid of commitment.”   


“Okay.”

“I’m not.”   


“I believe you.”

“I committed to being your best friend and I’m not going to shit all over that just because some potential partner wants me to spend more time with them than I do with you. You’re my best friend and I love you and Bones, I swear to God if you say something sarcastic right now I’ll steal all your Xanax and make you panic your way back to San Francisco.”

“This is why I got divorced,” he grumbled, because forming the words “I love you”, even platonically, even though he’d exchanged the words with Jim before, wasn’t always easy.

“Well, I wasn’t gonna say it,” Jim snorted.

“I don’t need you to…” Leonard started, because the revelation that, to any extent, Jim was using their friendship as some sort of shield to avoid romantic relationships didn’t sit right with him. He wanted Jim to be happy, and hardly wanted to stand in the way of that even though he had to admit he was a lot happier when they were both single.

“Too bad, I want to,” Jim replied.

“Well then thanks, kid. And for the record, I love you too. And you should know you wouldn’t be here if you weren’t the most important person in my life.”

Leonard finally made himself actually say the words and was rewarded with a classic Jim smirk,

“Well that’s not saying much, Bones, when by your own admission you don’t have much of a social life. This tea is making me sleepy, were you serious about kicking your cousin out of the study?”

“‘Course I was,” Leonard nodded and stood up. He was somewhat dreading the ensuing verbal tussle with his cousin, but it’d be worth it for Jim to have a warm and comfortable place to sleep that night. He reached a hand down to his friend, Jim took it, and he pulled the man to his feet, “Come on, Jim, let’s get a move on so you can get some shut eye tonight. Christmas starts early in the morning.”

“Technically it’s already Christmas,” Jim pointed out and Leonard rolled his eyes,

“Okay, thanks Spock.”

Jim stuck his tongue out, looking about 10 in that moment, then turned just as they were about to walk into the house and looked at Leonard with something mischievous in his eyes, 

“So, I’m like a crazy fucking good kisser, aren’t I?”

“Jesus fucking Christ.”

“Admit it, I live up to the hype.”

“What, the hype you invented in your own massive head? I will do no such thing, you chaotic, egocentric, jackass.”

“Aw, I love you too Bones,” Jim grinned and smacked a teasing kiss to his cheek. Leonard rolled his eyes and sighed, more for the show of it than from any real exasperation. He also swung his arm around Jim’s shoulders as they walked back in the house.

“Yeah, yeah, love you too, Jim.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Breaking news: I'm still an absolute sucker for platonic I love yous. Or I love yous that are meant as platonic, even though they may actually not really be.
> 
> God, imagine if these two were better at talking about their feelings. They're disasters, and I love them.


	3. New Year's

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New Year's Eve/New Year's Day!
> 
> Featuring: bickering, little heart to hearts, and a touch of Dad Pike. Hope you enjoy!
> 
> (Other note: one of my lovely commenters, user TrueAlphaShipper, requested the missing scene from the last chapter where Leonard kicks his cousin out of bed and so I wrote that and stuck it in a poorly formatted reply to their comment on chapter 2, if you're interested)

“You owe me a million for this,” Leonard grumbled, taking a seat next to his best friend on the train.

“No, no, Bones, the point of this is that you owed me a million, and now we’re even,” Jim reminded him, twisting his fingers around his cufflinks for the millionth time, the fidgety bastard.

“You got to sit around with my family for a few days and eat some southern home cooking. In return, I have to wear a goddamn tuxedo. This is not _even_ , this is torture.”

“Man, your family is insane, that wasn’t exactly ‘relaxing’. One of your cousin’s kids ate too many cinnamon rolls on Christmas morning and threw up on me. Or did you forget that, because I assure you, my friend, that I did not.”

“Oh, no, I did not and will not forget that. But this goddamn tux should be outlawed under the Geneva convention. Everything about this is terrible,” Leonard bitched, pulling at his collar. Oh, how he hated dressing up more than anything in the world. The best part of his job was getting to wear scrubs all day, he couldn’t imagine a job in which he had to wear a suit and tie daily. But even that wasn’t as bad as tuxedos, which he flat out hated. He felt awkward in them, and in his opinion that definitely showed. Unlike Jim, who wore his like he was born for it, even though Leonard knew he wasn’t the biggest fan of them either. The younger man could pull off seemingly everything he put his mind to, which was a bit frustrating. Nobody had any right looking so good in something so horrible. 

“You are such a drama queen,” Jim laughed, reached up to ruffle his friends’ hair, and had his hand smacked away before he could get there. Leonard had actually done his hair that evening, and he wasn’t about to get it all messed up by Jim’s constantly roaming hands. Jim laughed again, then went back to fidgeting with his cufflinks, which were in the shape of little shooting stars. Fitting for a New Year's gala at a company with a contract with NASA, a contract Jim himself had been working tirelessly on ever since he finished grad school.

It was a bit odd, Leonard thought as they took the train from their shared apartment to the fancy hotel playing host to this party, that they were doing this at all. He was sure it was entirely due to Jim wanting to let everyone know he was supposedly taken. Jim was never a fan of fancy parties, and while he’d been high enough in the company to get invited to these things ever since he’d gotten the job, he’d never once been to one. Instead, he preferred to spend New Year's club hopping, kissing strangers, getting absurdly drunk on champagne and shitty craft cocktails named after the year they were entering, and going home with someone at the end of the night. For his part, Leonard generally detested New Year's, and had in fact worked the holiday for the past...well, pretty much since he finished medical school. He didn’t care about champagne, and there were few things he hated more than goddamn clubs. He liked a good bar, but clubs were the furthest thing from his scene, especially on New Year's Eve. So he worked the holiday night and dragged himself back home in the morning, sometimes inadvertently waking up a very hungover Jim.

He supposed he wasn’t giving Jim enough credit. He didn’t _always_ spend his New Year's going to parties that Leonard would hate. Just the previous year, in fact, Hikaru and his then boyfriend, now fiance, had hosted a New Year's party at their apartment because Ben also hated clubs. Leonard happened to really like Ben for that very reason, among others. Sure, Spock also hated clubs but Leonard didn’t really consider that to be sufficient or good company. The previous year they’d just drank and played games and had an evening that Leonard actually wished he’d been able to go to, but taking off Christmas and Thanksgiving meant he had to work pretty much every other holiday, which he generally didn’t have a problem with.

In fact, him working New Year's hadn't been a problem until this year. Dr. Boyce, the head of surgery, had pretty much laughed in his face when he’d requested the holiday off, after all the others he’d recently taken, and the best he’d been able to manage was an overnight shift starting at midnight. Hence the feeling that Jim owed him. But he’d also be abandoning Jim at the party before the proverbial ball even dropped, so they probably were still even in the end.

In terms of things Leonard McCoy hated, formal parties were pretty near the top of the list. He was finding, though, that formal parties with Jim by his side were slightly less horrible. They were still horrible, of course, but having his best friend stuck to his shoulder as they mingled with all sorts of people Jim knew from work, most of whom he didn’t even like, made the experience slightly less painful. And at least the booze was free. Not that he was going to get wasted at Jim’s work New Year's party, but it helped take the edge off being introduced to dozens of his best friend’s coworkers and holding hands with the man in question. That never felt as awkward as Leonard thought it would, in fact it didn’t feel awkward at all. Ever. Maybe he and Jim were just past the point of feeling awkward in front of each other.

Leonard got the feeling that most of the people he was being introduced to - as Jim’s “partner, Dr. Leonard McCoy” so he knew Jim was feeling fancy - were not actually Jim’s work friends, but were rather people higher up in the company than he himself was. Case in point, he didn’t see hide nor hair of Scotty all night. This was fine by him, because Scotty was the one person Jim worked with that was actually in their friend group, and keeping this whole fake relationship thing away from their friends would just be easier. Mainly because they’d both be teased mercilessly as soon as they explained the situation, as neither of them wanted to keep up this front in their personal lives. This was just a one time thing. Or, well, a two time thing, he supposed. But, all that is to say Scotty was nowhere in sight, Jim and Leonard were talking to a bunch of people who gave him serious asshole vibes, Jim was making fun of everyone they met the second they were no longer within earshot, and this place had good bourbon. All in all, not a terrible night.

Until, of course, things got more complicated. Because things always got more complicated.

Jim and Leonard were standing hand in hand at the side of the ballroom, chatting and drinking and watching everyone else mingle. It was a nice break, and Leonard was just trying to mind his own business and enjoy some time with his best friend when a familiar voice asked,

“What’s all this then?”

Leonard looked up and nearly choked on his drink because there, in a kilt and a suit jacket, was Scotty. Of fucking course. And he was staring right at Jim and Leonard’s intertwined hands with nothing but amusement in his eyes. God dammit. Leonard dropped Jim’s hand like it was made of hot coals, even though their friend had obviously already noticed, and Jim just laughed,

“Hey Scotty. Aren’t your legs cold?”

“Aye, but it’s a nice breeze,” Scotty grinned and Leonard rolled his eyes. There were certain things he never wanted to hear about, even from his friends, and that was one of them. “So when did all this happen then? You two kids have been swearing up and down you’re just friends for years, really I was starting to think you’d never get on with it.”

Jim peered around Scotty, then lowered his voice,

“Nothing ‘happened’, Scotty, Bones is just pretending to be my boyfriend so that woman in marketing will leave me alone. And that man in HR. And that person…”

“We get it, Jim,” Leonard interrupted, fearing that Jim would be listing his admirers all day. He elbowed his friend in the ribs for good measure. “I’ve been gettin’ stink eyes all night.”

“Well of course ya have, you’ve gone and taken the famous Jim Kirk off the market. Uhh...supposedly. How the hell’d he get you to agree to this one, anyways?”

“Oh!” Jim exclaimed brightly, “That’s an easy one! He owes me after I pretended to be his boyfriend in Georgia with his family last week.”

Scotty looked at Leonard, befuddlement crossing his features. Leonard needed to nip this in the bud while he still could,

“Make no mistake, this entire hair-brained scheme was _his_ idea.”

“You say hair-brained, I say brilliant, what matters is nobody said a damn thing to you about how you need to start dating again so it was a _good_ idea,” Jim grinned, all self-satisfied, “But yes, my good idea.”

Scotty shook his head,

“You two have the strangest friendship I’ve ever seen. Well, that’s actually a lie, back when I was in uni I knew this pair of twins who was best friends with this _other_ set of twins and…”

“Scotty, you know I love you man, but you really do tell the same stories over and over again. Like my grandfather,” Jim deadpanned, looking at Scotty out of the corner of his eyes.

“Oi, watch your mouth!” Scotty flicked him in the shoulder.

“Why are you even here?” Leonard asked, trying to derail...whatever was going on here before he ended up having champagne spilled on his shoes or sidelined in a stupid argument or any other sort of odd thing Scotty and Jim sometimes got up to. “This seems even less like your scene than mine.”

“I don’t think this can even _be_ less of someone’s scene than yours, Bones. You’ve looked practically constipated all night,” Jim teased.

“Shockingly this isn’t the single worst thing I’ve ever done in my life,” Leonard admitted and Jim grinned at him, all wide and beautiful, but then Scotty said,

“Aye, well I wasn’t about to miss seeing Jim get his award, was I?”

Jim choked on his champagne, and Leonard raised an eyebrow,

“Miss what? Jim’s getting an _award_?”

“It’s not a big deal,” Jim cleared his throat and gave Scotty a pointed look, that was clearly ignored,

“Not a big deal? Jim, the President’s Award for Innovation is the highest honor you can get here! And you’re the youngest ever person to…”

“Scotty,” Jim cut him off, a hard quality to his voice, “It’s just a stupid glorified paperweight. You’ve won it twice, they’re like a dime a dozen.”

“Why is this the first I’m hearing about this?” Leonard asked. He was proud of Jim, of course he was, he was beyond proud, but also a bit annoyed that his friend hadn’t bothered to tell him he was going to be receiving what was apparently a really prestigious award.

“Ya know, I’m gonna go get another drink, I’ll see you gents later,” Scotty said before slipping off, despite the nearly full glass of Scotch in his hand. 

“You’re gonna turn this into a thing, aren’t you?” Jim sighed dramatically, turning to Leonard.

“Sounds like it’s a _thing_ regardless of what I do, actually. Jim, I’m proud for you.”

“Bones.”  
“

Yeah?”

“Just...it’s really not that big of a deal.”

Leonard put his hand on Jim’s shoulder, looking his friend in the eye as he said, “Jim, you’re allowed to be proud of yourself. I’m sure you earned the hell out of this, you’re brilliant and work your ass off. Celebrate your damn successes, kid.”

Jim was always so weird about stuff like this. Because oh that kid loved to talk himself up about every stupid little thing. He’d tease and brag and preen over every little compliment, but when it came to the big stuff, the stuff that really mattered, he’d play it off, pretend it wasn’t a big deal.

“I’m proud of you, Jim,” he repeated, putting his other hand on Jim’s other shoulder. Jim smiled that shy half smile, the one Leonard was pretty sure nobody got to see but him. It was probably his favorite Jim Kirk smile. 

“It’s actually kinda super cool,” Jim admitted quietly, biting his bottom lip to keep from smiling too hard. “I just found out a few weeks ago. Ya know, I actually almost cried in my office, and I decided I’m gonna be man enough to admit to that. But if you tell anyone I’ll deny it.”

“So just man enough to admit it to me then?” Leonard laughed.

“Yeah, obviously,” Jim agreed with a grin, “I, uh, I’m actually glad you get to be here to see this, I guess. I know you have to leave at 11, but they’ll finish awards before then, so hopefully you can still see it.”

“I’m glad I get to see this too, Jim,” Leonard nodded and then, on somewhat of a whim, added, “I’m always gonna be excited about your accomplishments and I always wanna hear about them, ya hear? Even if they _are_ stupid. You’ve been talking everything I do up since we met, it’s only fair I return the favor.”

“You’re sorta the best friend ever, ya know?” Jim said, his tone light and teasing but his eyes all warm and sincere. “And literally nobody buys your asshole front.”

“I can think of a couple dozen interns at the hospital that would disagree with you, but thanks I guess?”

“You’re a softy, Bones, admit it.”

Leonard would do no such thing, and was in fact tired of hearing anything Jim currently had to say so he rolled his eyes and slapped his hand across his best friend’s mouth. Jim licked his hand, because _of course_ he did. Leonard stamped hard on his foot in revenge. Infant.

Despite his more public claims that this award was just a fancy paperweight, Jim was obviously excited, and now that he was letting himself show that - at least in front of Leonard - his excitement was radiating off him in waves. It was surprising that he’d managed to keep his mouth shut about this before. The man sat at the table bouncing his leg so hard that Leonard worried he was going to jerk it up too far and knock the whole table over.

“Quit it,” Leonard hissed, pressing on Jim’s knee with his hand. Jim in turn gave him a look that just _screamed_ “oh, you’re gonna lecture me on nervous ticks?”. What Jim didn’t actually say had a point, given his propensity towards bouncing on his heels when feeling particularly strong about something. What Jim was doing was a lot more disruptive, though, and had the potential to knock over a bunch of very fancy glasses of champagne in front of a lot of very fancy people. Leonard tried his best to convey “were you raised in a barn?” with just his eyes, and by the way Jim rolled his eyes and grinned at him, he probably did a pretty good job. Jim was infamously horrible at reading lips, but happened to be quite good at reading facial expressions, at least with Leonard, and sometimes their friends joked that the two of them would have whole conversations without saying a word. There were certain perks of 8 years of friendship, he supposed.

As it turns out, Jim’s award was the last of the bunch, and Leonard had nearly fallen asleep with his head on the table from the sheer boredom that accompanied listening to a whole bunch of boring executives drone on about bullshit for nearly an hour. Hell, if this had been his own function, he definitely would’ve slipped out to get a drink and wander around. Or better yet, leave altogether. But this wasn’t his thing, this was Jim’s, so instead he occupied himself drawing shapes on Jim’s lower thigh with his finger. Jim, who had his arm slung casually over Leonard’s shoulders, would guess the thing in question by tracing letters into Leonard’s shoulders and then they would switch off. It was kind of like pictionary, actually, and pretty fun, even when Jim drew what was obviously a dick on his shoulder and he had to bite his lip to keep from snorting with laughter into his drink during the middle of something the CEO of the company was droning on about. It was fun, and to outsiders they probably looked happy and in love, focused only on each other, instead of what they were, which was just two best friends goofing off during a boring party.

Leonard’s mood got a bit more somber, though, when Jim’s friend and mentor Chris Pike got up to present the award Jim would be receiving. Jim practically _glowed_ as Chris talked, praising his work and just him in general, and the man all but bounced to the stage as his name was called. Jim had to give a brief acceptance speech, and Leonard realized he’d never actually heard Jim do any public speaking before but damn the man had charisma and charm in droves. That wasn’t necessarily shocking, but he knew some real damn charismatic people that clammed up when they got in front of a crowd like this, but not Jim, not at all. He hit that sweet spot of humble yet gracious, and only talked for about a minute or two, wrapping up with a smile and another handshake from Chris before bounding back to his table and sitting down next to Leonard again.

“Congrats, Jim,” he whispered, leaning in to press a quick kiss to his friend’s cheek, attempting to play the part of the proud boyfriend, which actually wasn’t that far off. Sure, the kiss was just for show, but Jim being this happy made him happier than he’d been in a while, and nothing about _that_ was fake.

“Bones, what is wrong with your face?” Jim asked with a laugh, taking a drink of champagne and turning his award over in his hand. He was right about it looking a bit like a fancy paper weight, actually.

“Nothin’, it’s the same as always.”

“No, it’s not! Bones, you’re _smiling_!”

Leonard elbowed his friend in the ribs, “I smile all the time, you absolute pain in my ass.”

Jim shrugged, “‘All the time’ seems like a bit of a stretch, but whatever you need to tell yourself, man. Just don’t get your face stuck like that.”

Leonard decided not to dignify that with a response, and instead just rolled his eyes.

Jim cradled his award like a goddamn baby as the awards ended and they moved into the section of the evening he labeled “rich people getting drunk off their asses.” As much as he hated parties like this, there was a little bit of Leonard that was sad he was going to miss what was always the most entertaining part of hospital fundraiser events, amped up on New Year's energy. Jim, God bless him, seemed to decide not to subject them to anymore mingling, and the pair spent the minutes leading up to Leonard having to leave talking to Scotty, who was great company as usual. That is, until they were joined by Chris Pike, who wandered over to congratulate Jim once again on his award. Or at least that’s what he claimed to be there for, but what he said to Leonard pretty much right away put that into doubt.

“I’ve been waiting to meet the man who apparently has the famous Jim Kirk tied down, I never expected I would’ve already met him.”

“Oh, so they didn’t tell you either then? Gotta admit, makes me feel better,” Scotty said.

“You know, Jim, the board is very impressed with you. There’s an opening as the project manager of the NASA contracts, people have been throwing your name around,” Chris noted, ignoring Scotty’s comment entirely.

“Uh, is that contingent on my relationship status?” Jim asked, wringing his hands a little, obviously similarly loathe to lie to Chris as Leonard had been to lie to his mother.

“Obviously not, but are you two breaking up already?”

“Long story short but Bones is just here as my date so people will stop hitting on me at work. We’re not _actually_ dating. I went home with him to appease his family, he came here with me to get people off my back, it’s not a big deal. But that’s great news. About the maybe promotion. A huge honor to even be considered…” 

“Oh for the love of God, this is just painful,” Leonard elbowed Jim in the side and rolled his eyes, but smiled a little, trying to convey “I’m happy for you but you’re being weird”. Jim just laughed.

“Well, I need another drink,” Chris remarked, “Leonard, would you like to come with me?”

“I’ve actually cut myself off for the night,” Leonard said, indicating the glass of water in his hand. It was an odd request. He hadn’t spent much time with Chris before, other than a few occasions where Jim’d brought him to dinner at the older man’s house. “I’ve gotta bow out for work soon, and they frown upon operating while drunk for whatever reason.”

“Leonard, if I could have a word?” Chris asked, obviously deciding he just needed to be direct. Scotty and Jim exchanged confused looks but Leonard sighed, nodded, and followed Chris away from the other two men.

“What do you need?” he asked as they walked, “I’ve gotta leave in a few minutes. If you want me to look at some weird mole on your back, go to a damn dermatologist.”

“What are you doing with Jim?” Chris cut straight to the chase and Leonard felt his eyebrow creep towards his hairline. 

“Is this a ‘what are your intentions with my daughter?’ speech? ‘Cause Jim just told you we’re still just friends. And he’s 30 goddamn years old, he can handle himself. In theory.”

“Of course. But Jim is the closest thing to a son I’ve got, I don’t want him to get hurt.”

“Were you not listening? We’re _not actually dating_.”

Chris sighed, “I understand. But Jim relies a lot on you…”

“The feeling’s mutual,” Leonard cut him off but Chris continued undeterred, 

“You were the first person in his life that he ever let himself trust. And whatever you kids are doing, it’s still a _change_. Kissing your best friend is a change, even if it’s just in public. Just...be careful with him, is all. He’s more fragile than he likes to appear.”

“ _I know that_ ,” Leonard declared emphatically, trying not to allow himself to get too frustrated with the man who was practically his best friend’s father figure. But at that point in their friendship, Leonard knew Jim nearly as well as he knew himself. He knew Jim pretty much as well as one could know another human being, and he resented the implication that he didn’t understand all of Jim’s fronts, or that he would ever step on his friend’s feelings. “This is just a two time thing, anyways. It ends at 11 tonight, it ain’t a big deal.”

Chris nodded, not quite looking convinced, but he seemed to relent and went off with his fresh drink to go talk to someone Leonard didn’t know.

“What’d Chris want?” Jim appeared at Leonard’s shoulder the second Chris was out of earshot. Leonard nearly jumped out of his skin and Jim laughed, patting him on the shoulder in a teasing attempt at comfort.

“Quit sneakin’ up on me like that,” Leonard grumbled, “For some goddamn reason he wanted to do the whole ‘if you break his heart I’ll kill you’ song and dance.”

Jim knit his brows together, “But we’re not actually dating. Did he briefly go deaf when I said that?”

“God knows. I said that too, but he’s worried I’ll accidentally break your heart or something. It’d be sweet if it wasn’t so damn annoying.”

“Please, I’m the heartbreaker, not the heartbreak-ee. If anyone’s breaking anyone’s heart here, it’s me.”

“How thoughtful of you,” Leonard drawled, looked down at his watch, then said, “Well, I’d best be going. Are you and Scotty really gonna go bar crawl the rest of the night? In your damn tuxedos?”

“Why not? I came here to get my award and show off my hot doctor boyfriend. Well, I’ve got my award and my hot doctor boyfriend is leaving, why stay?”

“Must I also remind you that I am _not_ your boyfriend?”

“Yes, Bones, but you’ve played the part incredibly well,” Jim grinned, then leaned in for a kiss, soft and sweet and more tongue that Leonard preferred using in public, which didn’t really say much since he preferred zero. “I now release you from your fake boyfriend duties. Go save lives, I’ll see ya tomorrow.”

“I won’t be home until _at least_ 9, and if you wake me up banging around the apartment at noon I _will_ kill you,” Leonard warned and Jim muttered something that sounded a whole lot like “promises, promises,” before shooting Leonard one last grin and pushing him towards the door.

Leonard came home the next morning to an empty apartment. A lot of people who knew Jim Kirk mostly by reputation would have assumed that was a common occurrence, but Jim didn’t stay overnight with his sexual partners, and would usually come wandering into their apartment sometime in the middle of the night, still drunk and exhausted and loud. Granted, this was a much less frequent occurrence the past few years, but still. It wasn’t normal for Jim to not come home before 10 am. And he hadn’t been home. That much was pretty easy to see. The coat he had almost worn but decided against was still draped over his bed, and everything in the apartment was just as they’d left it. Leonard texted his friend, inquiring about his whereabouts, then settled down to eat whatever meal people ate at 10 am when they’d been awake for over 24 hours.

The thing was Jim didn’t return his texts or calls, and Leonard didn’t feel right going to bed when Jim was still MIA. He tried to tell himself that Jim was probably fine, maybe he had actually slept over with someone the night before, there was no reason to panic. But knowing there was no reason to panic didn’t usually stop Leonard from panicking. Some of the blame could probably be placed on just how damn tired he was, but by 11 Leonard was pacing back and forth in their living room, contemplating if it had been enough time that he could start calling their friends. No matter what he did, he couldn’t get the idea of Jim freezing to death in some alley he passed out in, or lying in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, or a million other horrible outcomes out of his head.

But then he heard the sound of a key in the door and Jim walked in, suit jacket swung over his shoulder, shirt untucked and mostly unbuttoned, award still in his hand, and absolutely _covered_ in glitter. Leonard felt like he truly exhaled for the first time since he got back home, then immediately inhaled again and snapped,

“Where were you?”

“Huh?” Jim narrowed his brows, “Bones? What are you even still doing up?”

“I’m still up because I came home to find that you hadn’t been here all night! Where the fuck were you all night, Jim?”

“Seriously?” Jim asked, depositing his suit jacket on the counter and probably covering the whole kitchen in glitter in the process. “What’s your problem? You realize you’re not _actually_ my boyfriend, right? You have no right to be upset if I spent the night with someone.”

Leonard took several steps towards his friend and leveled him with his best glare. Or, well, his best Jim glare, which wasn’t nearly up to the par of his best glare for other people. “What the hell are you goin’ on about? I don’t give a rats ass if you fucked your way through the whole city last night, ‘cause you’re right I ain’t your boyfriend. But I _am_ your best friend, and I have every damn right to be upset that didn’t come home last night and didn’t even have the common decency to text me back and tell me that you weren’t dead in a ditch somewhere!”

“Oh,” Jim bit his bottom lip, looking awkward for a moment, then he cleared his throat, “For the record, I didn’t go home with someone. I mean, I guess I did, but I didn’t hook up with them or anything.”

“Again, Jim, not the issue here.”

“I just crashed with Scotty last night. I drank a lot and didn’t feel like dragging myself home at 3 am. Guess my phone died, I didn’t get your texts. But as you can see, I’m not dead.”

“Mmhmm,” Leonard nodded, not convinced. Well, he was obviously convinced that Jim wasn’t dead, but he wasn't convinced that he shouldn’t be mad. “And would you care to explain why you look like you just ran a marathon through a craft store to a goddamn drag club? You look like you’ve been used as a lab rat for one of those companies that makes those atrocious glitter bath bombs. How the hell did you end up like this?”

“Oh yeah, someone dropped some sorta glitter bomb at midnight at the club we showed up at. I think the insides of my lungs are coated in glitter, is that bad, medically speaking?” Jim asked and Leonard sighed, not really feeling in the mood for banter or teasing at the moment. He was still a bit angry, but mostly he just wanted to go to sleep.

“You’d best take a shower before you touch _anything_ else. Yes that includes me, don’t even start, I’m not in the mood. I’m going to go the fuck to sleep.”

“Why the hell are you still mad at me?” Jim asked, because he just couldn’t let it go, could he? “You were being paranoid, it wasn’t that big of a deal.”

“Don’t you push me, Jim,” he snapped, jabbing a finger to his friends’ chest, which was a mistake because flecks of glitter jumped onto his skin just from being in proximity to Jim. “I’ll be fucking paranoid if I want to be. _Good night_.”

And with that, finding that his desire for sleep currently outweighed his desire to yell at Jim, he turned on his heel, trudged back into his bedroom, and collapsed asleep on his bed, still in his clothes.

Leonard woke up around 6, with a headache and that strange sense of disorientation he always got whenever he had to work a random night shift. He honestly had half a mind to just roll over and go back to sleep in hopes of sleeping another 12 hours, and he nearly did that if it hadn’t been for what he saw when he looked in the mirror while washing his hands after dragging himself to the bathroom.

“James Tiberius Kirk, I will kill you,” he growled, trying to sound ever so slightly more angry than he actually was as he trudged through the hallway to find his friend sitting oh so innocently on a bar stool eating some pizza.

“Oh shit,” Jim asked, tone a little bit wary and a little bit amused, “What’d I do?”

“What did you do? What does it look like you did? Do you not see the problem?” Leonard asked, pointing to his face. Jim bit his lip to keep from laughing,

“You looked mildly pissed? Help me out here, Bones, I’m struggling.”

“I have _glitter_ on my _nose_ ,” he snapped, pointing to the little fleck of gold that sat on the end of his nose. Jim narrowed his eyes, looked at it, then burst out laughing.

“It’s one fucking piece,” Jim said through peals of laughter, “One fucking piece, Bones. What the hell?”

Jim looked like there was a chance he was going to fall off the bar stool he was laughing so hard, and it was infectious, dammit. 

“I hate you,” Leonard laughed, “I hate you so much.”

“One piece,” Jim was outright giggling now. It was somewhat charming, and Leonard couldn’t help but notice that there was a little piece of blue glitter next to his right eye, a couple flecks of green in his left eyebrow, and a spot of pink on his ear. It was weirdly endearing.

“You do have more on you right now,” Leonard conceded, “Christ, kid, did you even take a shower.”

“I did!” Jim protested, not outright laughing but still grinning widely, happy and loose and genuine, “Glitter is like herpes: it gets everywhere and it’s impossible to get rid of.”

“That’s unfair to herpes. Glitter is like the damn measles: seemingly lingers in the air for hours, infects everyone that comes in contact with it, common among children, and should’ve been fucking eradicated by now,” Leonard grumbled, though there weren’t any bite behind his words, and he was fighting a smile.

“Never thought I’d see anyone defend the honor of herpes,” Jim shrugged then held out the pizza box, “Leftover pizza?”

Leonard wordlessly took a piece and perched on the stool next to Jim’s, swinging his legs idly as he ate.

“So, I was kinda a dick this morning. In my defense I was hungover as hell, but still, ya know…” Jim pseudo apologized. It wasn’t really necessary, neither of them tended to hold grudges with each other, and as for Leonard he was pretty much over it by that point. It was still nice to hear though.

“I wasn’t exactly all sunshine and roses with you either,” he admitted, “And you were right, I probably overreacted.”

“I probably would’ve done the same, if it was you,” Jim wasn’t looking at him, instead the man stared at something or other in front of him, but he tilted his head to lean it against Leonard’s shoulder. “I’ll text next time I’m crashing somewhere else.”

“And I’ll try not to bitch at you the second you walk in the door.”

Jim nodded against Leonard’s shoulder then plucked the pieces of pepperoni from his friend’s slice of pizza and shoved them in his mouth. Leonard didn’t care for pepperoni, so he allowed it with nothing more than a roll of his eyes and a smile that would probably be best described as fond exasperation.

“My New Year’s resolution is to eat more of your food,” Jim declared, effectively shattering the nice moment they were having, because of course he did. Leonard kicked at his foot lazily, but he knew he wouldn’t change a thing about his best friend even if he could.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shoutout to my Discord group for helping me with one of Bones' lines about glitter when I literally forgot any and every thing that could hypothetically get glitter on a person. They're the realest.
> 
> Sorry these chapters are so long but also...that's just the way it's gonna be.


	4. Valentine's Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In which Jim's feeling flirty, Bones is in denial, and Chekov just wants to play DnD dammit!
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

“So,” Jim said, stirring his coffee, staring at his phone, and talking to a barely awake Leonard at the same time, “What’re we doing for Valentine’s Day?”

Leonard, famously not a morning person by any stretch of the definition, was glaring into his own coffee cup and wondering how Jim didn’t know not to talk to him this time of morning yet.

“I dunno,” he yawned, “I’m working. You’re doing...whatever the hell it is you do when I’m not here.”

“Wait for you to get back. Cry. Etcetera,” Jim laughed, “It’s DnD night at Pasha’s. Since when do you work on Thursdays?”

“It’s Valentine’s Day, all the people with partners begged for the day off, so here I am, going to work on a damn Thursday,” Leonard grumbled. He hated Valentine’s Day, and that wasn’t just him being bitter and single. Even when he’d been married, even when things between him and Jocelyn were just peachy, he’d always hated the holiday. It just seemed so...forced and corporatized. And he wasn’t really one for PDA anyways. He was more than fine to trade with his coworkers who actually had things they wanted to be doing for the day, and it’s not like he was really invested in the stupid DnD game anyways. Or at least that’s what he was, according to Jim, weirdly invested in telling himself.

“Tragic. I’ve worked every Thursday for years, but I’ll pour one out for you,” Jim grinned, way too awake for this early in the morning. It was actually 8 am, but Leonard was dragging this morning. “I think you didn’t hear my question, though,” he continued, “Bones, I didn’t ask what you were doing for Valentine’s Day, I asked what  _ we’re _ doing for Valentine’s Day.”

Leonard arched an eyebrow at his friend, “ _ We _ ain’t doing shit. What are you going on about?”

“Come on, Bones, tell me what you’ve got planned for your charming, funny, smart, wonderful…”   


“Get on with it.”   


“Incredibly humble boyfriend.”

“Are you having a stroke or something? Can you raise your arms for me? Move both sides of your face?”

“Quit it, you jackass,” Jim laughed and kicked him in the shin, “People at work have just been asking what my hot doctor boyfriend is doing for me for Valentine’s Day and I would love to have something to tell them.”

“Oh, this again,” Leonard sighed. It was too damn early for this fake relationship nonsense. Honestly, he’d barely given it a second thought since New Year’s. Although, if he was being fully honest with himself, kissing Jim had crossed his mind a few times, a weird impulse he generally dismissed out of hand. “I dunno, Jim, it’s your coworkers you’ve gotta lie to. Just tell them your hot doctor boyfriend has to actually  _ be  _ a doctor today. I’m busy. And Valentine’s Day is stupid anyways.”

“Oh, it’s romantic, don’t be such a Scrooge.”

“That’s for Christmas.”

“Bones, quit being so pedantic for 5 seconds and work with me here. I’ve never had a relationship on Valentine’s Day before…”   


“And you still don’t.”   


“I don’t even know what to lie about. What’d you do with Jocelyn? Wait, nevermind, that clearly didn’t work…”

“Asshole,” Leonard threw a piece of his cereal at Jim, who managed to catch it in his mouth with a grin.

“C’mon, Bones,” Jim all but begged, and for some reason Leonard took pity on him because he sighed,

“I bought you flowers, you made me breakfast in bed. We’re going out this weekend, ‘cause I’m working, but you bought me some of those damn good salted caramels I like and when I get off shift we’re going to make sweet sweet love by the light of a dozen candles. That good enough for ya, kid?”

“I mean I don’t think I’ll tell my coworkers about the hypothetical super hot sex we’re having tonight, but I’d believe it. You’re gonna send the flowers to my office for everyone to see, right?”

“Save yourself the money and just tell them I had them delivered here. Or not, I don’t give a shit. Just don’t embarrass me in front of your coworkers, especially not Scotty or even Pike. I have to see these people again.”

“Me? Embarrass you? Never,” Jim grinned in a way that made Leonard a little worried for whatever he had cooking in that pretty little head of his. “By the way, I’m never making you breakfast in bed. You’re not even a person in the mornings. I don’t think so.”

“Yeah, well, I’m never making love to you by the light of a dozen candles either, so I guess this whole situation is made up. Shocking.”

“What about bending me over the counter and fucking me, that more your speed?” Jim asked with a smirk that always made Leonard want to slap it off his face.

“Yeah, yeah, I get it, you’ll flirt with everyone who moves, go the fuck to work you horndog,” Leonard rolled his eyes, trying  _ very _ hard not to picture what they’d just been talking about. It wasn’t that he  _ wanted _ to do it, of course, but Jim had put the idea in his mind, and he’d put it in his own mind a bit, so of course his mind wandered. It was only natural. If he and Jim were going to fuck, it definitely would’ve happened by now.

Jim laughed, oblivious to where Leonard very much so wasn’t allow his thoughts to return to, tossed his coffee mug in the dishwasher, and headed for the door,

“I’ve gotta run, good luck at work! Come over to Pasha’s for DnD if you get off early enough. See ya, Bones!”

Jim threw him a mock salute before grabbing his jacket from the couch and slipping out the door. Leonard attempted an “it’s 8 am and I’m half dead” version of a smile to Jim as he left, but then went back to absolutly not thinking about having sex with his best friend. He groaned, took another sip of coffee, and pressed his forehead to the counter. God, Jim was right, he really wasn’t a person this soon after he woke up.

In terms of Valentine’s Days, Leonard was actually having a good one. Someone had left a whole bunch of treats in the lounge at work, all his surgeries had gone well, he got out early enough to actually have something resembling his evening left, and he spotted Jim’s favorite chocolate on sale at the grocery store after it being impossible to find for months. He was going to be able to actually catch some of the DnD game, probably, and really it all would’ve been perfect if he didn’t have to go to Pavel’s apartment, which always severely bummed him out. 

When they’d first met Pavel, he was Hikaru’s roommate - and Spock’s graduate student research assistant - but then Hikaru had moved in with his fiance Ben and now Pavel lived in the shittiest shit hole in all of San Francisco. It wasn’t that Pavel  _ had _ to live in the shittiest shit hole apartment in the entire city, he had plenty of other places to go. Hell, he could’ve stayed with Hikaru, the offer had been made dozens of times, but he didn’t want to live with a couple nor did he want to intrude in anyone else’s space or feel like a freeloader in any way. It didn’t matter that Jim had literally gone out and bought a couch that pulled out into a bed for their living room exclusively for Pavel to sleep on, he stubbornly insisted on using his measly PhD stipend to pay for his own place. With four other roommates.  _ And _ , since it was his DnD game, he insisted on hosting it at his shitty little apartment that was probably altogether the same size as Jim and Leonard’s living room. Rent in San Francisco was...an experience. Regardless, the place always put Leonard in a bad mood because it was cramped and odd smelling and weirdly dark no matter the time of day and really not fit for human life at all. It seemed fitting though that Leonard should spend his Valentine’s Day doing the least romantic things he could think of: surgery, grocery shopping, existing in Pavel’s apartment, and playing fucking dungeons and dragons, a game that he still didn’t know how he’d ended up a part of.

Leonard didn’t bother to knock on Pavel’s door, nobody ever did, really. He just walked in, right into the game because the living room was miniscule. 

“Bones!” Jim greeted him, looking up from the game and grinning. He was greeted by the rest of his friends, Pavel grumbled about him interrupting the game, and he wedged himself in the space Jim created for him between himself and the side of the couch.

“I brought beer,” he offered, pulling the 6 pack out of his grocery store bag. Jim and Scotty both had a bottle out of the pack and in their hands before he could even put the pack down on the table.

“You are forgiven for showing up halfway through game,” Pavel nodded, twisting open his own bottle from where he was sitting on the floor on the other side of the coffee table. “But next time bring vodka.”

“Ungrateful brat,” he teased Pavel, who stuck his tongue out in response. “Oh, and I got you this, Jim,” Leonard continued, handing the chocolate bar he bought to his friend, who was squeezed in so tightly next to him that he had to twist his entire torso to even see the other man’s face.

“Oh!” Jim’s eyes flashed brightly as he took the chocolate and immediately dug into it, taking a bite that caused him to tilt his head back against the couch, close his eyes, and moan softly, not unlike what Leonard definitely hadn’t thought about him doing that very morning.

“Are you eating that chocolate or having sex with it?” Nyota teased from her spot on a chair next to the table. She flat out refused to sit on this couch, and Leonard often thought she was probably onto something.

“Both,” Jim mumbled, taking another bite and licking his lips slowly.

“Wow, Len, you are one hell of a boyfriend. Chocolate  _ and _ flowers, I should date you myself,” Scotty laughed in between pulls of his beer.

“Oh, Jim, did I buy you flowers?” he asked, nudging his friend’s foot with his own, “How sweet of me.”

“4 dozen red roses,” Scotty confirmed, looking way too amused by this, “Delivered in the middle of the day, right in front of the whole office too.”

“4 dozen…” Leonard sighed and yanked the chocolate bar from Jim’s fingers, “You don’t deserve this. I told you not to embarrass me in front of your coworkers.”

“I didn’t!” Jim protested, attempting to snag the chocolate back but Leonard raised the bar high over his head. “Everyone thought it was really sweet of you! Except Scotty, but he just laughed at me for obviously buying them myself.  _ Give me that _ , you asshole.”

Jim made another reach for the chocolate, this time practically flinging his torso over Leonard’s in an attempt to grab it without extracting himself from his tight position on the couch, legs against the coffee table. Leonard leaned sideways and back, over the side of the couch with his hand extended as far behind his head as he could possibly reach. Jim scrambled further on top of him, their chests pressed flush together as Jim laughed and tried to find the right leverage and angle to get the chocolate back.

“Jim, if you could please remove your foot from my face I would very much appreciate it,” Spock chimed in and Leonard noticed Jim’s long limbs were everywhere. He didn’t much care about Spock’s comment, but Pavel’s got him.

“At least you won’t be first people to have sex on that couch.”

Leonard suddenly became aware of the potentially awkward position he and Jim were in, right in front of all their friends. Sure, it didn’t really seem like a big deal because it wasn’t, it was hardly the first time the two of them had grapled over something like this, but them being pressed together shoulders to hips probably looked a bit awkward from the outside. Jim was much more unflappable and took advantage of Leonard’s embarrassment to snatch his chocolate back, grinning victoriously as he settled back in his seat again.

“Don’t sweat it, Bones, I snagged you some of those salted caramels you were talking about this morning, they’re in your room back home. Therefore this chocolate is rightfully and fairly mine.”

“I thought you said they were only faking the relationship thing,” Nyota stage whispered to Scotty.

“Aye,” Scotty nodded, also pretending to whisper, “I think they’re method acting.”

“What, just because I finally found my best friend’s favorite candy on a day that happened to be Valentine’s Day suddenly it’s weird?” Leonard snapped. He was getting pretty sick of him and Jim’s stupid fake relationship being constant fodder for jokes among their friends. This was why he was hoping they never would find out to begin with, but Scotty kept that secret for about 5 seconds.

“You gotta admit, Bones, it’s pretty romantic,” Jim winked and Leonard rolled his eyes. Really, he couldn’t be too mad at their friends for teasing them when Jim was clearly encouraging it.

“Do you two need to get a room or can we  _ play _ ?” Pavel asked.

“Although I agree with your wish that we return to the game, I feel it is necessary to point out that you do not have a room to offer them,” Spock pointed out.

“You do not need to rub it in,” Pavel crossed his arms over his chest, “If you do not watch out I will make all your characters die.”

“I am not rubbing it in, as you know that you have a spot in our study whenever you wish to stay there,” Spock said.

“Since when do you have a study?” Leonard asked. To his knowledge Spock and Nyota lived in a 2 bedroom, just like he and Jim did. Just close friends, despite constant accusations to the contrary. Spock was both asexual and aromantic, so the two of them dating wasn’t even a possibility, therefore at least their friends left them alone about it. Maybe, he mused, if he pretended to be straight or something then all of this wouldn’t be happening to him.

“Oh, Spock and Nyota are moving to a goddamn 3 bedroom just outside of town,” Jim explained, “Like they’re fucking adults or something. Bones, should we get a 3 bedroom? We can afford a 3 bedroom, right?”

“I hate moving,” Leonard declared simply. 

“Can we  _ play _ ? For Christ’s sake, you kids sure are talkative.” It was Scotty this time, chiming in from his seat on the floor.

“Someone catch me up,” Leonard requested, leading back into the couch, “What’re y’all up to this time?”

“Us? You’re playing too!” Jim said, “We brought your character off the ship, along with Sulu’s and Ben’s. Pasha’s been having you be NPCs tonight, but you can take over your guy.”

“Oh yes, because taking the entire crew off the ship seems like a great idea,” Leonard rolled his eyes.

“I did mention that as well, but was overruled,” Spock agreed. Leonard hated when they agreed, it made him want to change his opinion for no other reason than that.

“Is more fun when we all play,” Pavel argued. Really, most of their DnD nights were just pointless bickering, not that Leonard could say that and even attempt to pretend that he didn’t engage in that as well. It was fun, often more fun than the actual game, which was something of a hot mess and which Scotty, who used to play in college, had labeled “DnD, Pavel Chekov edition” due to the game’s apparent tenuous grasp on the actual rules. Leonard had never played before this, and therefore couldn’t tell house rules from actual game rules, but he was pretty sure DnD was a fantasy game, not the scifi situation they were doing because both Pavel and Jim had labeled fantasy as “boring and predictable.” It had been a whole argument, one that Leonard had actually stayed out of given his apathy on the subject, appreciation of both genres from time to time, and complete unfamiliarity with the game. The resulting game that Pavel had designed was generally pretty fun, although it seemed each week’s adventure was wackier than the last.

“Can someone please just tell me what the hell our little aliens got themselves into this week?” Leonard asked, talking over some side argument Jim, Scotty, and Nyota were having about...something he wasn’t paying attention to.

“The crew is currently being held hostage by Space Abraham Lincoln…” Pavel started and Leonard nearly choked on the beer he was drinking. He should’ve known better than to take a drink when the “plot” of these evenings was being explained. “Space William Wallace, and Space Rasputin.”   


“Russia’s greatest love machine?” he asked, raising an eyebrow as Jim, Scotty, and Nyota chimed the same thing nearly simultaneously. Pavel rolled his eyes so hard it looked like it hurt, but went on undeterred,

“You must escape from your captors and be aware they may have information that will be useful in your efforts to save universe and stop time war.”

“Is Lincoln a villain? Was this game written by my 6th grade history teacher back in Georgia?”

Jim snorted and Pavel sighed,

“Not villain,  _ obstacle _ . Not the same. Now can we play? Figure it out as we go.”

“It’s my turn,” Jim and Scotty both said at the same time.

“It is Jim’s turn,” Spock said, “Scotty, you may recall that you spent your last turn having the explosive you were attempting to make blow up in your face.”

“I’m not using any of my alien psychic healing powers on that,” Leonard declared, “Think before you blow yourself up next time.”

“So,” Jim started, crossing an ankle over his knee, resting his raised thigh on Leonard’s knee due to the tightness of the couch, “Me and Dr. Forest, who has so kindly joined us as a playable character, start making out and…”

“I’m sorry  _ what _ ?” he asked, twisting on the couch to glare at his best friend.

“I’m trying to seduce Rasputin to distract him, he needs an example of my sexual prowess,” Jim shrugged, as if having his character randomly make out with his best friend’s character was the most rational thing in the world.

“I think he should have to fucking roll for that,” Leonard grumbled.

“Sorry, he is right,” Pavel agreed, handing Jim the 20 sided dice. 

“Add my charisma modifier and I get 19,” Jim declared triumphantly.

“Dr. Forest tells you to fuck off, but polietly,” Pavel grinned, a rather manical look on his young features.

“No fair! What would’ve happened if I’d rolled lower then?” Jim threw up his hands in mostly mock exasperation and Leonard couldn’t help but grin, self satisfied. He knew bringing the DM beer would pay off for him.

“I would’ve punched you in the face,” Leonard said simply.

“No punching members of your own party,” Pavel reminded them, for probably the tenth time since they’d started playing.

“I meant in real life,” he clarified.

“What happened to ‘do no harm’?” Jim asked incredulously, biting his lip to keep from laughing.

“The Hippocratic oath is my bitch.”

Jim stuck out his tongue, like some sort of 5 year old, then sighed dramatically, “Fine, I guess ‘make Rasputin jealous’ is out. I’ll find some other way to get in his pants.”

“Now that Jim has wasted his turn, I believe it is mine,” Spock said, and then proceeded to have his character do something normal, logical, and actually helpful. Figures.

“I just got the fucking nth degree from Nyota,” Jim complained as the pair of them left Pavel’s apartment building after the game ended for the night and headed for the nearest train station that would take them home. Their game had lasted until just past midnight, and had ended in a good-natured - for them - debate between Leonard and Spock, which he’d gotten wrapped up in enough that he didn’t even catch where Jim had gone off to in the tiny apartment until his friend grabbed him by the wrist and insisted it was time for them to go.

“What’d you do?” Leonard asked. Jim’s hand was still wrapped around his wrist even now as they walked side by side down the street. He contemplated pulling his arm away, but was also curious how long it would take Jim to notice, so he decided against doing anything.

“What makes you think it was my fault?” Jim asked, all incredulous and mock-offended.

“I’ve met you,” Leonard deadpanned.

“It wasn’t my fault,” Jim declared resolutely, finally removing his hand from Leonard’s wrist so he could cross his arms over his chest. It almost looked like the man was pouting, which made Leonard chuckle a little.

“Well, are you gonna tell me why she grilled ya or are you just gonna pout at the sidewalk?”

“Ya know that discussion Pike had with you at the New Year’s party?”

“Ah.”

“Yeah, some bullshit about getting in over my head and crossing lines and blah blah blah whatever.”

“I regret anyone findin’ out about this. I shoulda threatened Scotty bodily harm if he told.”

“Please, Bones, like anyone doesn’t know you’re all bark and no bite by now.”

Leonard elbowed his friend in the side in an attempt to prove him wrong. Jim just laughed and swatted at him.

“People need to learn how to mind their own goddamn business,” Leonard remarked, “We both got what we need outta the situation, and we ain’t gotta worry about doing it again until next year.”

“Wait, are you, Leonard “Bones” “Anxiety” McCoy, telling me not to worry about something needlessly?”

“You do know I actually have a middle name and it’s neither of those, right?”

“I’m divorcing you from Horatio, you, though a total asshole by the way, are a good person and don’t deserve it.”

“Oh, I’m the asshole and the one with the terrible middle name, James Tiberius “Asshole” Kirk? Is that how it is?”

“Yup,” Jim grinned and nodded, and the pair walked in silence for a bit before he spoke again, “So, Bones, you’re like okay with this right?”

“I’m alright with it if you are. Why are you suddenly so concerned anyways? When have you known me to be bothered by something and not mention it?”

“That’s fair, literally never,” Jim laughed, “You’re a certified bitch, all the time.”

“Why am I friends with you?” Leonard grumbled, with quite a bit of affection.

“I have a great ass,” Jim said simply, then sighed, “I dunno, Nyota said she was worried we’d fuck this up.”

“And you’re worried she’s right?” he asked, getting on the train that had just come and taking a seat next to his friend. There weren’t a lot of people this time of night, so they had the car to themselves, which almost would’ve been intimate if such a thing weren’t against the very nature of mass transit. “Hey,” he nudged Jim’s foot with his own, as he’d merely shrugged in response to the question, “I’m always gonna be your best friend, Jim, so quit your worryin’.”

“I’m not worried,” Jim said, slowly and gently resting his head on Leonard’s shoulder. If he was being honest with himself, Leonard had always liked when his friend did this, the contact was nice. “I just wanna make sure we’re talking about this, ya know. Cuz I tend to fuck things up…”

“Bullshit.”

“No, Bones, listen. I tend to fuck things up, and I feel like, ya know, communication helps. So I just wanted to make sure that if I start fucking this up, you stop me. ‘Cause maybe Nyota has a point, maybe this is sorta weird and precarious and different for us. I mean, I’ve kissed you! Twice! And obviously I’m a fantastic kisser and you’re not so bad yourself…”

“Yeah, whatever you pain in the ass,” Leonard rolled his eyes.

“I’m just saying, ya know, we should say something if we start getting uncomfortable. And I know we don’t have to do this again till Thanksgiving, but what can I say, all your worrying is rubbing off on me,” Jim shrugged.

“All you ever do is get on my last nerve,” Leonard pinched the bridge of his nose dramatically, but he was fighting a smile. He’d always loved this casual back and forth he had with Jim, all teasing and light insults and fond exasperation. Outsiders didn’t always get it, but he wouldn’t trade their dynamic for anything. “Ya know, Jim, I don’t think anyone’s ever accused me of being too timid.”

“Yeah,” Jim laughed, “Probably not. That fits really nicely with your fear of vulnerability, though. Wonderful combination, makes a ton of sense Bones.”

“Oh, fuck you.”

“Clever too.”

Leonard hooked his elbow around his friend’s neck, playfully pulling a laughing Jim into a headlock all while grumbling something about obnoxious blond rocket scientists. It was probably good they had the car to themselves because any other passengers would’ve been annoyed as hell by the laughing pair.

“If you don’t let me go,” Jim choked out, gasping for breath entirely due to his own damn giggling, “I swear to God I’ll eat all those caramels I bought you.”

Leonard let him go in an instant. Jim would do it too, they both knew that, and he wasn’t willing to take the risk. Jim laughed, straightened himself up, then his eyes went wide,

“Oh, Bones, close your eyes and open your mouth!”

“Do I look like an idiot to you? Wait, don’t answer that.”

“You said it. Now come on, Bones, trust me.”

Putty in Jim’s hands as always, Leonard sighed, closed his eyes, and parted his lips. There was a noise of something being unwrapped, then Jim’s long fingers were pressing something into his mouth, brushing past his lips. Leonard chose to blame the late hour and the embarrassingly long time since he’d kissed anyone - other than his own best friend - for the brief observation of how good it felt to have Jim’s fingers brush his lips. He instead focused on the undoubtedly insane amount of germs that were probably residing on Jim’s fingers after spending all that time in Pavel’s apartment, and now on the train. Both trains of thought were quickly replaced, though, when he realized the thing Jim had placed in his mouth was one of his favorite salted caramels that Jim had apparently picked him up. He wasn’t planning on tasting one now, and in fact was still surprised Jim had bought them at all. The shop that made them was all the way across town from them, in an area neither of them frequented, and they stubbornly refused to sell online. They were good, though. Actually, good didn’t even begin to describe them. Leonard tilted his head back and groaned as the caramel melted on his tongue. Jim cackled,

“Oh my god, Bones, never in my life have I heard you make that noise. And Nyota accused me of sounding like I was fucking my chocolate earlier.”

Leonard said nothing, as he was too busy savoring his caramel.

“I forgot I brought you a sample. Happy Valentine's day, man.” Jim smiled, eyes more earnest than his casual grin. Leonard opened his mouth to say...something, he didn’t know exactly what, but Jim beat him to the punch, “It’s a celebration of all love, stop being such a damn downer.”

“I didn’t say anything,” he pointed out.

“Yeah, whatever Bones, I can hear you complaining from like a mile away, even if you haven’t said anything yet. I can pretty much read your mind.”

“Oh yeah? What am I thinking about right now?”

“Sleep, caramels, all the germs in trains, how you don’t think I can read minds, and how you kinda want me to shut the fuck up.”

“Wow, Jim, spot on. You should take your little act to the circus. You’re already a damn clown.”

“Ouch,” Jim laughed and pressed his hand to his chest in mock offense, “You wound me, Bones. You cut me to my core. You’re the worst fake boyfriend I’ve ever had.”

“Likewise,” Leonard agreed with a laugh then sighed in the face of Jim’s bright blue eyes and brilliant smile, “Fine, Jim, happy Valentine’s Day.”

“Yes! I win,” Jim bragged, grinning even wider now, and Leonard couldn’t bring himself to regret saying it, despite his friend’s gloating. For the first time, he wondered if there was a chance this was just a touch more complicated than he’d assumed it had been.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry but I could not resist a cameo from Space Abe Lincoln, it's just too good to pass up.
> 
> SOS I can't stop writing these two just like bantering and bickering like the old married couple they are. I love them.


	5. Hospital Fundraiser

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas to all those celebrating! My gift to you, dear reader, is an update of my holiday fic with a chapter that isn't even set on a holiday. Fight me.
> 
> This chapter sees Bones still in denial, Jim having an existential crisis, and another cameo by the world's number one food group (dumplings)

If asked, Leonard would blame this particular decision on poor timing. He had been all but ambushed by Dr. Boyce nearly the second he finished with an intensely complicated surgery that had taken him nearly 10 hours, and Boyce had delivered the bad news that his presence at the hospital fundraiser dinner was mandatory that year. He’d gone a few times in the past, under pressure from his superiors, and apparently this year the president of the hospital was intent on using him as an example of research and innovation, all because one of his case studies had randomly been published in the goddamn New England Journal of Medicine just a few months prior. Loathe to suffer through the horrors of being paraded around like a fucking show dog by the hospital administration at some intensely boring dinner all night, he’d asked if plus ones were allowed, figuring he’d drag Jim along for entertainment purposes. But then Boyce had said that, due to some incident several years prior involving someone bringing their toddler as their plus one, only partners were allowed to attend as a plus one. So he’d just...gone and said Jim was his partner so it wouldn’t be a problem. 

The thing was, he really had been trying to keep this whole fake dating thing to a minimum. His family, Jim’s work, that’s all it needed to be, because while he maintained that it wasn’t currently weird or confusing there was always the worry that it would become so if they extended this into too many aspects of his life. So really it had just slipped out before he could even think about it. In his defense, though, he was great at snap decisions and trusting his gut when it came to medicine, and he had a seemingly natural ability to leave his tendency to overthink everything at the door of the operating room, which was good because there usually wasn’t time for overthinking during surgery. The thing was, while his snap decisions during surgery were often good ones, the snap decisions he made in his personal life...not so much. So really Leonard could probably blame the extension of this whole fake relationship thing into his work life on the fact that the conversation occurred when he was so fresh out of surgery that his brain saw a problem, saw a solution, and just went for it without thinking about if the solution was  _ good _ or not. Yeah, that’s what he was going with, that was his official conclusion of why the fuck he did that. But bad snap decision or not, now he had to tell Jim about it. Oh, the kid was going to be insufferable about this.

“Jim, I need a favor,” Leonard announced, walking into their apartment after work, a bag of dim sum from Jim’s favorite place in hand. He figured his friend could maybe use some buttering up for this, and Jim’s heart was easily won through food.

“Who’d ya kill and where’s the body now?” Jim asked, craning his neck to look back at Leonard from where he was lying flat on his back on the couch, wearing a pair of workout shorts and an old college t-shirt he’d cut off into a tank top, obviously recently back from the gym. He was resting his head on his hands, arms above his head, and Leonard wondered idly how Jim could even make a goddamn tank top look good. Leonard was fairly certain that he just looked like an overgrown frat bro in a tank top, a fact which he knew because one time Jim had gotten drunk and cut the sleeves off one of his t-shirts in a remarkably poor display of impulse control.

“I didn’t kill someone, you jackass,” Leonard said, instead of saying anything about how nice Jim’s arms looked, which is what he was for some reason thinking about. It was a simple appreciation of a nice figure and the fact that his friend was objectively good looking, or at least that’s what he told himself. Sure, he’d been noticing little things like that more lately, but he didn’t think much of it. Suddenly being attracted to his own damn best friend and roommate would be such a paradigm shift in the most stable thing in his life, and he refused to allow himself to even entertain the possibility.

“Dammit. Well then, no you can’t have any of that ice cream I bought last week,” Jim stated, looking back at his phone now that he was certain that this conversation didn’t involve any murder.

“Let me get this one straight, Jim,” Leonard rolled his eyes, “You were down to help me bury a body but you won’t share your ice cream with me?”

“Correct,” Jim nodded, then stretched, flipped onto his stomach, and looked up at his friend. “So, what’s up, Bones? What’s your favor?”

“I bought dim sum.” Leonard placed the bag on the coffee table in front of Jim. Jim eyed the bag warily for a moment, then sat up and dug in.

“This feels like a bribe,” he observed. 

“So, Boyce ambushed me today and told me administration is insisting I go to the damn fundraising dinner in a coupla weeks.”

“Yeah?”

“I never should’ve even submitted my case report to New England, as a reward they’re gonna force me to parade around to donors like some sorta prize poodle.”

“Oh, boo hoo, you’re a brilliant doctor and saved someone’s life in a really cool way so they put your write up in like the most prestigious medical journal in the country. Again. That must be so hard for you.”

“Thanks for the sympathy,” Leonard grumbled, stealing a pork bun right out of Jim’s hands as some form of revenge. “But I need you to come with me so my brain doesn’t leak out of my ears from pure boredom.”

“Cool,” Jim nodded, his mouth full of dumpling, “That’s two weeks from Friday, right? I don’t need a tux, do I?”

“Your suit’s fine. You’re really not gonna fight me on this?” Leonard asked. It almost seemed too easy to be true. He certainly would’ve given Jim a lot of pushback if their situations were reversed, even though he knew in the end he’d still end up at his friend’s side on the night of the event.

“Nah, could be fun. And I’m not one to argue against free food and an open bar.”

“I also...I told Boyce you were my boyfriend. There’s this dumb partners only rule and I just...said it,” Leonard admitted and Jim barked out a laugh,

“Ha! Oh, this is funny as hell. And to think you give me shit for not thinking before I speak.”

“I was fucking ambushed right after a 10 hour surgery, it ain’t my fault.”

“Yeah, or maybe somewhere deep in your subconscious you just really wanted to kiss me again,” Jim teased with a wink. Leonard rolled his eyes because he sure as hell wasn’t going to admit that he’d thought about their handful of kisses a few times since they’d happened. It was just a kiss, not a big deal.

“You’re so damn full of it that it’s coming out your eyes, kid.”

“Is that your professional diagnosis, doctor,” Jim was smirking now, and fighting giggles, having way too much fun play flirting with his best friend. Fuck what everyone else said about their fake relationship, if anything was going to confuse Leonard - which he maintained would not happen - it would be Jim’s flirting in private, not what he played up in public.

“My professional diagnosis is that you’re completely insufferable,” Leonard rolled his eyes and shoved a dumpling in his mouth to keep from grinning at Jim’s antics. He hardly wanted to encourage this behavior.

“That’s not a very nice thing to say to your fake boyfriend.”

“Oh, thank God,” Leonard took what Jim had said as an acceptance of his offer, “I owe you, Jim.”

“Nah,” Jim shrugged, “It’ll be fun. I’ll do it for the incredibly low price of that last dumpling.”

Jim opened his mouth and tipped his head back, looking at Leonard expectantly. As not getting the last dumpling was a very small price to pay to avoid having to be alone at this goddamn party, and really he bought these as a bribe for his friend anyways, Leonard grabbed the dumpling with his chopsticks and placed it in Jim’s mouth. Jim closed his lips around the chopsticks and slid them off with a pop as he chewed his dumpling happily. As for Leonard, he suddenly found himself unable to remove his eyes from his best friend’s lips, so he jabbed the other man in the cheek with said chopsticks, just for a distraction. It didn’t necessarily help, but it was worth a try.

As much as he was sort of dreading having to introduce all his coworkers to his “boyfriend”, especially Christine who doubtlessly was going to figure out a way to tease him about this, and as much as he really disliked parties like this, Leonard felt a sense of peace as Jim’s hand slipped into his and they walked into the party. He almost wished, just for a moment, that he was one of those people who held hands with their friends because Jim’s long fingers intertwined with his made him feel so calm and secure.

Pretty much as soon as they arrived at the party, the pair made a beeline for the bar, and then Jim started to pull Leonard around the room, filling a plate with the little  hors d'oeuvres, eventually letting go of his hand so he could hold his plate and drink at the same time.

“Damn, Bones,” Jim hummed appreciatively as he swallowed a bacon wrapped shrimp, “This shit makes the food at my company New Year’s party taste like the shit I used to eat in college. This is incredible.”

Leonard wasn’t going to argue about the quality of the food, or the drinks for that matter. The fact that he was currently drinking better quality bourbon than he could ever really justify buying for himself was really the only good thing about this party, aside from Jim’s presence at his side.

“You’re tellin’ me,” he agreed and stole a piece of bruschetta from Jim’s plate. “They gotta butter up the big donors. Everyone’s wallets are a bit looser with a full belly and a high blood alcohol content.”

“We don’t have to, like, donate do we?” 

“‘Course not. I’m the damn administration's show dog, and you’re my arm candy.” Leonard tried to infuse the statement with a fair bit of sarcasm, but it really was true. His friend looked great in his suit, to the point that Leonard worried a bit that his coworkers were going to tease him about having a “trophy boyfriend.”

Jim grinned, straightened his tie, and gave Leonard an approximation of a smouldering look before breaking the facade and giggling a bit, “Ya know, Bones, you always have said you weren’t gonna become one of those surgeons who only dated hot young blond airheads, I’m worried I’m ruining your reputation.”

Leonard rolled his eyes, “Jim, the only one of those things you are is blond, and even then, I think an argument for light brown could be made.” Leonard ruffled Jim’s hair with a grin as Jim ducked and swatted his hand away.

“How is that both complementary and insulting?”

“My speciality, darlin’.”

“I’ll have you know that I’m  _ barely _ 30, which is still young thank you very much, even though you were calling yourself old way earlier. Plus, my driver’s license says blond, I’ve had multiple testimonials that I’m hot,  _ and _ you call me a dumbass all the time. I’m right about this. And I’m honored to be your midlife crisis boyfriend, Bones. Truly touched. Just don’t buy a Lamborghini or something, you’ll look like an asshole.”

“Midlife crisis, my ass. I’m thirty fucking six you asshole,” Leonard rolled his eyes, “And I refuse to be told anything about vehicles that make you look like an asshole from the man who owns a damn motorcycle.”

“I’ll have you know the motorcycle is hot, it gets all the babes. And dudes. And etcetera.”

“Yeah, well, we’ll see how good of a seduction tool it is when you end up on my damn operating table with half your gray matter back on the highway. And, no, wearing a helmet doesn’t make you suddenly immune from all bike injuries.”

“Hey, Bones, have you ever considered having fun for five seconds?” Jim teased, blue eyes sparkling brilliantly.

“Thought about it, wasn’t for me,” he teased back, shooting Jim a half smile. This, he thought, was why he’d refused to go to this party without his best friend. It wouldn’t have been even half as much fun on his own.

Jim’s presence may have made the party more enjoyable, but Leonard was pretty sure nothing in the world could make being chatted up by donors even close to tolerable. That was in fact so horrible that when he spotted Christine Chapel making a beeline for him he was just happy that he got to avoid small talk for a few minutes. He didn’t even notice the incredibly amused expression on her face as she all but ambushed him and Jim right as they extracted themselves from a conversation with some goddamn administrator and the donor he was trying to wring dollars from.

“McCoy!” Christine greeted him cheerily once within earshot, “You crazy son of a bitch, I thought the rumor about you and Jim finally dating was just fodder from bored nurses. I can’t believe you actually did it.”

“Chris,” he shook his head. He’d considered looping in Chapel to the whole fake relationship thing for this very reason, but she was a notorious gossip so he’d decided against it. He didn’t need all of emergency medicine and surgery knowing the relationship wasn’t real.

But before long Leonard was distracted from what Christine was saying by what Jim was doing, which was looking Christine’s long slender figure up and down, appreciation shining in his bright blue eyes.

“It seems you have me at a disadvantage,” Jim smiled, really turning on the charm, “You seem to recognize me but I have to admit I don’t recognize you. I never forget a pretty face.”

“That works for you?” Leonard muttered under his breath. He was always somehow surprised by how painful Jim’s lines were, and even more surprised that they somehow worked. He was pretty sure it was more about Jim’s ability to get whatever the hell he wanted with simply a flutter of blond lashes over stunning blue eyes than it was his actual “game”, but that was neither here nor there.

“Christine Chapel,” Chris smiled easily and shook Jim’s hand.

“Best nurse practitioner in the damn hospital,” Leonard finished.

“Oh yeah!” Jim’s eyes lit up in recognition, “Bones talks about you all the time. All good things, I promise. Though he never mentioned how good you look in a cocktail dress.”

Christine blushed and something twisted in Leonard’s stomach. He couldn’t help but be annoyed at how Jim was blatantly flirting with his friend while supposedly playing the role of his boyfriend. If he wasn’t careful, he’d end up leaving this event looking like some sort of pitiful man that let their partner try to pick up other people right in front of him without a word. So, hoping to nip whatever this was in the bud, he slide an arm around Jim’s waist, leaned in close to press his lips to the shell of Jim’s ear, and whispered,

“Quit it, kid.”

Jim flushed slightly and shot Leonard a screwed up look that he couldn’t quite interpret. In response, he rolled his eyes.

“McCoy has told me all about you too,” Christine smiled, biting the corner of her lip to keep from laughing at the exchange she’d just witnessed. “Can’t say it’s all good things, but it’s a  _ lot _ of things. We’ve all been placing bets on when you’d finally start dating, it’s obvious he’s been wrapped around your finger since...well, the entire time I’ve known him.”

“That’s about enough of that,” Leonard cut her off, hoping he wasn’t revealing too much by how awkward and embarrassed her statement obviously made him. He didn’t like the idea of there being bets on his love life, especially not when it came to his own best friend, and  _ especially _ not when said best friend was standing right there. He didn’t care much that people had the wrong idea about his feelings for Jim, but he did care deeply about making sure that Jim didn’t get the wrong idea about his feelings.

“Just when did this happen, anyways?” Christine asked, undeterred by and likely apathetic about Leonard’s desire to talk about literally anything else. “I’ve got money on this.”

“My goddamn relationship isn’t the business of the nurses station.”   


“Last summer,” Jim smiled, leaning into Leonard’s side, “But you know Bones and his privacy, it took a lot for me to convince him to even bring me here at all. ‘Course I’m glad I did, couldn’t have missed an event like this.”

“Shut the hell up, Jim,” Leonard snapped and his friend just grinned, all false innocence and wide eyes.

“Wow,” Christine laughed, “I’ve always been curious what the infamous Leonard McCoy would look like in a relationship, turns out it’s pretty predictable. You guys are cute, but real weird. I’ll leave you to it, don’t forget lunch next Wednesday, McCoy.”

“‘Course not,” Leonard promised, and then right as Christine turned to leave Jim leaned in and kissed him, his lips weirdly insistent as he pulled Leonard in close right in the middle of the damn fundraiser. Briefly, Leonard was stunned and did nothing, then he was unable to resist the feeling of his friend’s tongue hastily exploring his mouth and gave into the kiss, then he remembered they were in front of everyone he worked with and quickly pulled away.

“What the hell, Jim? I don’t need the damn chief of surgery seeing you doing your best to suck on my fucking tonsils.”

Jim shrugged, all nonchalant in a way that probably would’ve fooled most people who weren’t named Leonard McCoy. “Nothing, just playing my role as the guy who’s all hot and bothered over his sexy doctor boyfriend constantly.”

“Yeah well maybe turn it down a bit, I have to work with these people,” he rolled his eyes, “And I don’t see how that right there helped in your quest to pick up Chapel.”

“What, you don’t like me stepping on your toes there?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, but what I don’t like is being made to look like some sorta pathetic man who doesn't mind his boyfriend searching for hookups right in front of him.”

“You’re trying to tell me you’re not jealous?”

“I don’t give a fuck who you hookup with, Jim, we’ve been over this. Just don’t make me look like a goddamn fool, I don’t give a shit.”

“I meant Chapel,” Jim crossed his arms over his chest, “You never mentioned the nurse you get lunch with every week is hot.”

“‘Course I didn’t, it doesn’t matter what she looks like. I don’t date people I work with, it’s messy.”

“Is that it then? You would’ve hit that otherwise?”

“Don’t talk like that about my friend, it’s demeaning,” Leonard demanded, “Are  _ you _ jealous? You’re actin’ weirder than usual.”

Jim huffed and rolled his eyes, “Please, Bones, I’m not  _ jealous _ . The world is full of hot women, I just didn’t realize you spent so much time with one of them.”

“Sorry, I’ll make sure you approve every person I come into contact with, I can’t have you feelin’ like you’re not the prettiest person I know,” Leonard drawled.

“I am, right?”

“We’re not having this conversation, and I don’t rank the physical attractiveness of my friends. That’s just weird.”

“But, like, if you did…”

“Did you not just hear me say we’re not having this conversation? Are you okay? Are you having a stroke or something?” Leonard mostly teased, but Jim really was behaving oddly. He kept chewing on his bottom lip and looking everywhere but at him as they talked. It was actually really frustrating when he let himself think about it for a minute. For Jim to blatantly flirt with Christine right in front of him, but then have some weird problem with the idea that Leonard knew and was friends with someone who was physically attractive just didn’t make sense.

“If I say yes, what’re you gonna do, give me mouth to mouth?” Jim winked, with a facsimile of his usual cocky confidence.

“That’s not how you treat a stroke, dumbass,” Leonard rolled his eyes, “You sure you’re okay? We can get outta here, if you’re not feeling well.”

“I’m fine, I’m just gonna go get some air. I’ll be back,” Jim promised before turning on his heel and walking towards the nearest set of doors. Leonard simply sighed. Well, that had been a bit weird.

Never let it be said that one Dr. Leonard McCoy didn’t have any kind of patience, because he managed to wait a whole 20 minutes after Jim all but ran off to go search for his friend. It had been obvious that Jim needed some space, and Leonard wanted to respect that, but he also couldn’t help but worry that Jim was upset because of something he did, something he couldn’t even possibly guess. And, well, he was worried about his best friend. Sue him. Jim getting all weird and closed off like this before running off used to be the number one predictor of the man returning home to their apartment drunk off his ass and, if luck had it out for Leonard on that particular night, beat up to all hell. Those days had mostly passed, and Jim’s more self destructive tendencies were largely behind him, but Leonard still worried. So he forced himself to wait half an hour, completely failed at that, tried telling himself that by the time he actually found Jim it would be close to half an hour anyways, and went off in search of his friend.

Jim, luckily, did not prove to be difficult to locate. He found the man on the patio just outside the hospital cafeteria, sitting at a picnic table with an empty champagne glass.

“You sure you don’t wanna go?” Leonard asked, sliding down next to his friend, knocking their knees together softly as a point of familiar contact.

“I told you I’m fine, Bones,” Jim said simply. He sounded tired all of a sudden, and when Leonard threw an arm around his friend’s shoulders, Jim leaned into his side with a small sigh.

“Oh yeah, ‘cause everyone goes outside to brood on the patio during parties when they’re fine,” Leonard drawled.

“Just thinking, is all.”

“Don’t hurt yourself, kid.”

“I’m not a kid,” Jim said, suddenly and completely out of the blue. Leonard had been calling him that, with quite a bit of affection, really the entire time they’d known each other. It was mostly just a meaningless nickname at this point, as well as a reference to Jim’s constant youthful, joyous exuberance. Though when they’d first met, the nickname had been a bit more apt, Leonard was well aware that Jim had grown up a lot in the past 8 years.

“I’m well aware of that, Jim. I was there last year when you found your first gray hair and had a full on existential crisis. It’s just a nickname, it ain’t that deep.”

“I just...we’re really not that far apart in age anymore, ya know?”

“Oh yeah? You agin’ faster than me, genius?”

“No, I mean like 22 and 28 feels a little bigger than 30 and 36, ya know?”

“Sure. I don’t really give it much thought, if I’m being honest with ya,” Leonard shrugged. Jim being a bit younger than him had never been any kind of defining feature in their friendship, aside from when Jim could drink him under the table and then wake up in the morning without any kind of hangover. But those days were far behind the younger man now. It didn’t really  _ matter _ to Leonard, and he thought it was an odd thing for Jim to be getting hung up on. “I can stop callin’ ya that, though, if that’s what you want.”   


“Nah, it doesn’t really bother me. I’ve just got a lot on my mind all of a sudden, is all,” Jim said, which seemed like the understatement of the century.

“Penny for your thoughts?”

“Save your money,” Jim laughed lightly and stood up, “Let’s go back inside, we’re missing out on all the free booze.”

Leonard grabbed his friend’s wrist just before he went back inside, “Jim, if you’re mad at me…”   


“I’m not,” Jim shook his head vehemently, “I’m not mad at anyone, let alone you. Like I said, I’m just, ya know, thinking. About lots of stuff. Not mad. Swear to God.”

“If you wanna talk about it…”   


“I know, Bones, and I probably will, but not right now, okay? It’s really not a big deal, let’s just go back to the party, I’m sure they’re missing their prized poodle and his trophy boyfriend by now,” Jim teased, and this time his smile came closer to meeting his eyes so Leonard decided to let it go for now.

“Fuck you, Jimothy,” he elbowed Jim in the ribs with half a laugh.

“Call me that again and I’m gonna tell all your coworkers about that time you got so drunk you ended up accidentally breaking into the downstairs neighbor’s apartment and sleeping in their bathtub,” Jim threatened.

“I will kill you, Jim Kirk,” Leonard growled and Jim just laughed happily, fully and real, and Leonard knew that whatever it was that had his friend’s mind so occupied this evening, it was all going to be okay with them, and that was the most important part.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Bones is just really married to his current world view (the one in which he's not in love with his best friend) but that can only last for so long...


	6. Sulu's Wedding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bones Realizes, Jim's trying to be helpful, and Sulu's just trying to get freaking married.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one's a little more thinky than my usual stuff, but I still got some banter between the boys in there cuz that's always my favorite to write.
> 
> Hope you enjoy :)

He felt like he couldn’t really say this to most people without sounding like a bitter divorcee, but Leonard McCoy really hated weddings. He always had, even before he’d been married himself. And it wasn’t bitterness over the institution of marriage or whatever the fuck, he always maintained that under the right circumstances and with the right person he may be willing to give marriage another shot, it was more related to the fact that weddings were absolutely mind numbingly boring. He knew he probably shouldn’t feel that way, but he did anyways. At least he would know people at this one. He would know a lot of people, actually, because it was Hikaru and Ben’s wedding, and all their friends were going to be there. That wouldn’t necessarily make the ceremony more interesting, though. He hoped the two of them decided to keep it short. The best part about weddings was definitely open bars, even though he was stuck designated driving this one.

Thing was, as far as weddings went, the Hikaru and Ben nuptials were probably not going to be too terrible. Hikaru’s half of the bachelor party the week before had been a booze filled riot that ended with Jim drunkenly hitting on the cop that was called on them for being too loud because they mistook the poor man for a stripper. All their friends were going to be groomsmen, including Nyota who insisted on calling herself a groomswoman though she still wore the same suit as the rest of them. And the wedding was at a winery in Napa Valley, and a nice once too if the glass Leonard had already helped himself to was anything to go off of. Only downside, other than the fact that weddings were boring, was that it was an absurdly hot Saturday in August and Leonard was sweating through his goddamn suit.

“Hey, I thought you were supposed to be immune to the heat, Georgia Boy,” Jim smirked and nudged him in the ribs as they stood among their friends, waiting for the ceremony to begin. There was a light behind Jim’s eyes and in his tone, one that he’d had a lot lately that made Leonard wonder if maybe...nevermind, it wasn’t important and he shouldn’t even be thinking of those things. It hardly mattered anyways, and he was just reading too far into things, as per usual.

“San Francisco has ruined me,” Leonard complained, wiping sweat from his brow. Jim had a little bead of sweat hanging right above his lips, and Leonard got the weird impulse to lick it off. He took a sip of water instead.

God, he really was banking on these thoughts about his best friend’s appearance going away sooner than they were. If anything, they were actually getting worse, and had gotten to the point where he often couldn’t even bring himself to pretend that he wasn’t just straight up attracted to Jim. It wasn’t a big deal, really. Jim was hot, he had eyes, it’d been a while since he’d been with someone, and he’d had a few rather wonderful quite literal tastes of what a more physical relationship with the other man would be like. Maybe this was what everyone had been warning him about when they said the fake relationship was a bad idea. It wasn’t a big deal, though, because Leonard stubbornly maintained that it was all physical, and would pass with time. If one night stands didn’t, on the whole, leave him feeling entirely unsatisfied, then he would have just tried to get it out of his system by now. Maybe he just needed to go on an actual date with someone who wasn’t his best friend, but he just couldn’t be bothered. He felt like he had an itch he couldn’t scratch, and going on awkward first dates just never felt like the right solution.

Eventually Leonard was forced to put his racing thoughts and glass of ice water aside and take his place between Jim and Scotty near Hikaru at the end of the aisle. 

The ceremony really wasn’t terrible, as far as ceremonies go. It was, of course, hot as hell standing up there with his friends, but there were worse places to be. Hikaru and Ben looked so damn happy and smitten that it was hard to not be happy for them, even for a self-described curmudgeon like Leonard. The ceremony was nice and tight, nothing too long, especially in comparison to Leonard’s own which had seemingly lasted for hours. Maybe the fact that he hadn’t savored every last second of standing up there with Jocelyn should’ve been a sign, but he still swore that if ever did this again it was going to be short and sweet. He had a difficult time imagining a hypothetical second marriage for himself anyways. Standing in front of an officiate with a nameless, faceless person, and a beaming Jim at his shoulder as his best man, just seemed less and less like something that would ever happen to him. The whole scenario just felt innately wrong, but he was happy and satisfied with his life right now and the people in it, so really it was okay. As if he knew that Leonard was thinking about his happiness with the people in his life, Jim briefly glanced over his shoulder, that full face delighted grin that Leonard had been trying to put on his face in his little imaginary scene shining brightly, Caribbean blue eyes glistening in a way that always made Leonard feel a little breathless. The two men made eye contact for a few fleeting seconds and Leonard felt the corners of his lips turn up in a smile that really was only for Jim, who made him happier than he could ever imagine anyone else making him, and he suddenly felt like he’d been punched in the gut. There was fucking  _ something _ in that thought, strings he felt would unravel everything he’d always assumed about his life and relationships if only he tugged gently, and he absolutely was not going to allow himself to pull at them as he stood in front of 100 people listening to his friend make vows to his new husband. But, God, it was suddenly more work to keep his brain from going down that road than it ever had been. If everything was going to crumble, the least he could do was not make a scene when it happened.

Somehow, and Leonard really didn’t know when they’d gotten to this point, but it was weirder for him and Jim to attend an event where they  _ weren’t _ acting as a couple than for them to attend one where they were. It was almost second nature for them to play up the physical at things like this, and throughout the evening, as the ceremony faded into the reception, the pair kept almost holding hands or putting their arms around each other, then pulling away when they realized they didn’t have to. The thing is, Leonard realized that he sort of  _ wanted to _ . He was more comfortable, happier, and more secure when Jim’s fingers were intertwined with his. But he was hardly about to say that, especially not here at their own friend’s damn wedding, so he held his tongue, kept his goddamn hands to himself, and tried his best to keep his mind from pulling at any strings that probably shouldn’t be pulled at an event like this. Because, if he let himself think about it, he probably knew  _ why _ it was weird for him to not act like Jim’s boyfriend in public, why he felt so comfortable with their hands clasped together. He probably knew why, just not when, and he wasn’t going to think about that while Jim was around in case of any potential existential crisis lurking in there. Jim, though, seemed to be around all night.

Leonard liked having Jim around, in fact he loved it, but there were times when he wanted to be alone to think for a few minutes and now was one of them. But he had Jim’s full attention that night, and that was something he always drank down like a cool glass of water. It wasn’t rare, necessarily, especially not when they were alone, but when they were out Jim often bounced rapidly between hanging out with Leonard and flirting and chatting his way around the bar. Leonard was fine with this, it was just who Jim was, wanting to meet as many people as he could for no other reason than the fact that he wanted to, but there were times when Jim turned the full weight of his attention on his friend and Leonard adored those moments. So he hardly was about to ask for space for a few minutes as Jim tailed him around the reception, sat so close they bumped elbows while eating, and laughed with him like they were the only two people in the room. Leonard knew a good thing when he had it, and he wasn’t risking it.

Jim didn’t unglue himself from Leonard’s side until after Hikaru and Ben had their first dance, and Jim made his way to the dance floor to make a fool out of himself. Neither Jim nor Leonard could dance worth a damn, so Leonard only did so when he was too drunk to care but Jim  _ never  _ cared if he was making a fool out of himself with their friends on the dance floor. And, shit, he really wished he wasn’t designated driving because he  _ really _ needed a drink. He had half a mind to join Jim on the dance floor, as he laughed and spun Nyota around in circles, but instead he retreated back inside and into the bathroom.

“Shit,” Leonard cursed to himself, splashing cold water on his face, “Shit, shit, shit.”

He placed his hands firmly on the edge of the counter, leaned in, and locked eyes with his reflection in the mirror before he mentally pulled that one last thread, the one he’d been forcing himself not to think about all night. He finally allowed himself to think, even just for a moment, about the implications behind his certainty that no potential partner could give him anything that Jim didn’t, or make him even half as happy.

“Shit,” he whispered, then finally said the inevitable conclusion outloud to the empty bathroom, “I think I have feelings for Jim.”

“Man, did you just barely realize that?” a voice came from the bathroom door and Leonard whipped around so fast he nearly fell over. It wasn’t Jim,  _ thank God _ , but he would’ve recognized Jim’s voice anywhere so he kind of already knew that. Instead it was Hikaru, who’d ditched his suit coat at some point and had his new husband’s bow tie sloppily tied around his neck. Dammit. That’s what he got, he supposed, for talking to himself in a public bathroom.

“Just realize what?” he asked Hikaru, attempting to lie even though he was always a terrible liar about stuff like this. 

“Nice try, but I’m not that drunk,” the other man laughed brightly and hopped up on the counter.

“I swear to God, Hikaru, I don’t give a shit that it’s your wedding day, if you breathe a word of this to anyone  _ I will kill you _ ,” Leonard threatened.

“What, you're not gonna tell him then?”

Leonard scoffed, “Fuck no. He can mind his own goddamn business.”

“Uhhh,” Hikaru started but he didn’t get far,

“It doesn’t fucking matter. Now get lost, this bathroom is fucking occupied.”

“He loves you too, ya know.”

“I didn’t say anything about  _ love _ , and you don’t know that.”

“Okay, but I’m pretty sure even Spock has noticed how much Jim flirts with you…”   


“Jim flirts with everyone. Now will you please either use the bathroom or leave?”

“Take a chance on love, it’s a beautiful thing when…” Hikura started, grinning widely in that newly married way of his, but Leonard didn’t stick around to hear the rest of that sentence because he turned on his heel and marched right out of the bathroom and back to the car he shared with Jim, got in the driver’s seat, and leaned his forehead against the steering wheel. He made the horn go off, but he didn’t give a shit. 

“His and Jim’s car,” fuck, the concept had never struck him like this before but  _ fuck _ , of course he had feelings for Jim. Of course he did. They were already halfway into a relationship. It was so goddamn obvious he felt stupid for missing it for so long. He didn’t want to date. Why? Because he was happy with Jim being his partner in all but name and physicality, and didn’t want anyone to get in the way of that. He didn’t want anyone but Jim, and not just in the bedroom, in every conceivable way. No partner would ever make him feel like what he felt for Jim, and the fact that he’d deluded himself into thinking that was platonic for so long as almost laughable if it didn’t feel like someone had reversed gravity and the whole world was now upside down. Jim made him feel light, warm, loved, and oh so free. Jim made him a better person. Jim was the goddamn sun to his earth, lighting up everything in this irreplaceable way, and Leonard had known that, of course he knew that, but those feelings, they weren’t friendship. He’d been in love before, and it hadn’t quite felt like this, but this felt  _ better _ . Typical, though, since everything with Jim was always so much fucking more.

“What the hell are you doing, Bones?” Jim asked, nearly giving Leonard a goddamn heart attack as he climbed into the passenger seat. The man had lost his belt somewhere, his golden hair was a ruffled mess, and he was so beautiful it hurt. Leonard let the feeling wash over him, instead of trying to stop it like he had for God only knows how long now, and it was exhilarating and terrifying at the same time.

“Are you having a stroke? Do you need mouth to mouth?” Jim winked, his plush red lips pulling into a silly smile, open and happy and wonderful. Leonard felt his stomach turn, but rolled his eyes to cover it up,

“Fuck off, I told you that’s not how you treat a stroke.”

“Good thing you’re the doctor, then,” Jim shrugged.

“Jim, what are you doing out here?” Leonard asked with a sigh. God, could a man not have a crisis about having feelings for his best friend without being constantly interrupted? At least he hadn’t been talking to himself this time.

“Oh yeah!” Jim exclaimed brightly, twisting his tie around his fingers absentmindedly as he spoke. Leonard tried not to look too hard at his soft lines of his neck as he did so. “I saw you head out to the parking lot then there was this really long honk so I came to make sure you weren’t being kidnapped, or finally having a stress heart attack, or going mental.”

“Hard to rule out the last one,” Leonard grumbled. God, no wonder why he’d caught feelings for Jim when his friend did shit like this. Jim just cared so big and so deeply, it was hard not to fall for that.

“Are you having some sorta ‘I’m divorced and I’m at a wedding’ thing?”

“You ever heard of minding your damn business?”

“Not familiar with the concept. And besides, Bones, you’re my business.”

God,  _ God _ , Leonard wasn’t nearly secure enough in the revelation he’d recently had for Jim to just be saying shit like that. It almost made it sound like Jim...but it didn’t matter anyways. 

“It’s just been a long day and I needed a minute alone to clear my damn head,” Leonard said, hoping Jim would believe what was really more a half truth than an outright lie.

“Okay,” Jim said simply, leaning back into the passenger seat like he was situating himself to stay there for a while.

“I said I wanted to be alone. That means scram, kid.”

A muscle in Jim’s cheek twitched, but that was the only indication the man gave that he was at all disappointed by the idea that his friend didn’t want him around constantly. But Jim was nothing if not persistent, and difficult as hell to shake, so he didn’t get up and leave, and instead crossed his arms over his chest and parroted Leonard’s own words back at him,

“I don’t count as people.”

And that just was true, wasn’t it? Leonard never got tired of being around Jim, not like he did with everyone else. Even when he was exhausted and socially drained and didn’t care to talk to another person for hours, he still wanted to curl up on the couch with Jim leaning into his side, just  _ being _ . And that wasn’t new, hell that wasn’t new at all, but he’d never thought that necessarily meant something. He and Jim were best friends, and he loved Jim with everything he had, just maybe not quite in the way he’d always thought he had. Maybe...not more, but different.

“So, I can stay?” Jim asked when Leonard still hadn’t said anything. 

“Hush,” was all Leonard could manage. The way he saw it, if Jim wanted to sit there while he had a minor scale crisis, then so be it. And it was a minor crisis, because this was not what he wanted to deal with. Not only did he feel like something of an idiot for not figuring this out sooner, he also had to figure out how exactly to play this. He knew, though, that telling Jim about his newly realized feelings was out of the question. Sure, it was possible that Jim felt the same way, or at least was willing to give something a shot, that wasn’t really the problem. The main problem was that Leonard had a less than stellar track record with relationships, and Jim didn’t even really have a record, not with things that mattered, and there was no way in hell Leonard was going to risk this. He’d sworn to himself a long time ago that he wasn’t going to take what he had with Jim for granted, it was too important for that. They’d both been something of hot messes when they first met, and had grown together the past better part of a decade. A relationship would throw that off balance, and maybe they’d find their footing but the fear was what if they didn’t? Relationships were trickier than friendships, and sure he thought he and Jim were secure enough to stay friends through a breakup, but didn’t everyone say that? And how often did that actually work out? No, he wasn’t going to risk that, not with something so important, and not after his marriage had ended in a dumpster fire of epic proportions. The safest option, the only one that didn’t risk something Leonard refused to risk, was to hold his tongue and hoped this passed with time.

“Ya know if I stop drinking now I’ll totally be fine to drive home, you can drown your problems in free bourbon if you want,” Jim offered, breaking the silence they’d been sitting in and pulling Leonard from his thoughts, which were mostly just becoming more and more reasons why he couldn’t believe he just barely put a name to what he was feeling for Jim now.

“Oh yeah, ‘cause that’s worked so well in the past,” Leonard scoffed, trying to imbue his voice with a sense of normalcy he didn’t quite feel, “Thanks for the offer, kid, but I’ve got work in the morning. Ya know, literally the entire reason why we didn’t just get a hotel here?”

“Right,” Jim nodded, “Well, are you done freaking out, because I bet Hikaru he couldn’t tell the difference between the  rosé from the bar and the Jim Kirk rosé special.”

“Do I wanna know?” Leonard asked as he got out of the car. The way he saw it, sitting in this car hiding from everyone wasn’t going to make him unrealize his feelings for his best friend, nor would it do anything other than ruin the evening and make all their friends think he was losing it.

“Half a white, half a red, lightly stirred,” Jim explained brightly, hoping out of the car as well and falling into stride with his friend. Leonard was tempted to throw his arm around Jim’s shoulders, but it didn’t feel right given what he’d just allowed himself to really think about, and how those feelings may have influenced that gesture the whole time. Instead, he tried to focus on what his friend was saying instead of how the moon was reflected in his beautiful blue eyes and the way being with Jim always made him feel so comfortable and happy and good God how could he not have known?

“You’re fucking ridiculous, that’s not what a rosé is,” Leonard rolled his eyes, after a hopefully not too long silence. He kept getting lost in his thoughts but he had a lot of things to think about. Including the fact that apparently he found the insane shit Jim said quite charming. That wasn’t exactly news, it was an open secret that Jim could make him laugh like nobody else could, even if he often pretended to be annoyed by his friend’s antics.

“Yeah, okay, I bet you $20 you can’t tell the difference in a blind taste test,” Jim challenged, “If I’m going to lose to anyone it’s gonna be to Hikaru, not Leonard ‘Bones’ ‘All Wine Tastes The Same’ McCoy.”

“I’d once again like to remind you that I have an actual middle name.”

“Your middle name is whatever I want it to be, Bones. Now, come on, take the bet. Nothing cheers you up like an opportunity to be right about something.”

“I resent that,” Leonard grumbled, but he took the bet anyways. He ended up losing, but the brilliant look of joy and humor on Jim’s face when he was wrong made up for the sting his pride always suffered when he lost at anything. Shit, maybe what Hikaru had said in the bathroom had been right. Maybe he was in love with Jim Kirk. Wonderful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To everyone who's ever left a comment or a kudo or even just read, know I love and appreciate it so much.
> 
> If anyone's curious why it went down from 9 chapters to 8, I decided to condense what was going to be the next two chapters into one. Love 2 b organized, oops.


	7. Halloween

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Jim is trying something (badly), Leonard is confused and conflicted, and Chapel is so done with both of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've never worked at a hospital so if I got something blatantly wrong no I didn't.
> 
> Enjoy!

Leonard actually put a lot of thought into his Halloween plans, although he wasn’t certain the decision he’d made was the right one, or even a good one in the first place. He knew that any of this fake relationship bullshit when he was actively aware of how far beyond friendship his feelings ran was objectively a horrible idea, but he was doing it anyways. Each year, the hospital where he worked held a Halloween event for all the kids who were staying in the hospital who were well enough to leave their beds, as well as a whole bunch of children of employees. Leonard wouldn’t admit it to most people, probably only Jim actually, but he always looked forward to the event. Seeing kids getting to trade hospital gowns for costumes and running around with the healthy kids of employees warmed what Jim always referred to as his cold dead heart. He usually was able to finagle his schedule to allow him a few hours to sit at one of the nurses’ stations before or after a shift and hand out candy.

Leonard had always gone solo but employees were allowed to bring their families so there was no reason why he couldn’t bring Jim. It would be fun with Jim there, for both of them. Jim adored Halloween to an almost annoying, but mostly just charming degree. The skeleton he’d discovered in their pantry one morning the previous week hadn’t been that charming, but Jim’s excitement about anything was always infectious and lately had made Leonard feel somewhat like a school boy with a crush, so it was worth it. Almost. Jim loved children, dressing up, and free candy. Leonard loved Jim. It really was a win win, and had a lot of pros for an objectively terrible idea. Thing was, all of Leonard’s coworkers had been introduced to Jim not even 6 months ago as his boyfriend. Which Jim still very much so wasn’t, as much as the selfish part of Leonard wished he were. And playing on with this little game of theirs when Leonard knew how he felt? Terrible idea. He’d be lying to himself if he tried to pretend the reason he was still doing this was for any other reason than to have just another little taste of Jim in the way he’d come to realize he wanted him. To kiss him, and to hold hands with him, and to pretend for a couple hours that he wasn't such a goddamn coward terrified of ruining the best thing in his life. It wasn’t fair, though, it wasn’t fair to Jim. The idea that Leonard was going to hold hands with and kiss his friend because he wanted to all while Jim thought the gestures were simply out of necessity, he knew it wasn’t the most honest thing and he felt bad about using his friend like this, but oddly not bad enough to actually change his mind. This probably wasn’t the best idea for him either, to just make him crave even more what he refused to allow himself to have, and it certainly wasn’t going to help him in his quest to get over his friend. That front was...well, it wasn’t going well in the slightest. But Leonard was making bad choices and he was aware of it, which he felt like should at least count for something. Or maybe that made it worse, he didn’t fucking know.

Jim was excited about the idea, though, and the way his eyes lit up when Leonard invited him along made it difficult to feel too bad about the whole thing. Jim smiled a lot, but there was a particular, incredibly genuine Jim Kirk smile that seemed to be exclusively for Leonard, and damn if that didn’t make him feel like the most special and important person in the world in those moments. Jim didn’t seem bothered by having to pretend to be his boyfriend for the event either, in fact he excitedly started suggesting couples costumes. Leonard had never dressed up for the party before, so he left that in Jim’s capable hands, although he reserved veto power in case his best friend came up with something too embarrassing. Or, rather, when Jim came up with something too embarrassing, because it was just an inevitability. And, because Leonard knew Jim like the back of his own damn hand at this point, Jim came up with quite a few wildly embarrassing ideas.

“I wanna start out by striking down your suggestive costumes before you even show them to,” Leonard said when Jim pulled up a file on his tablet during dinner one evening a couple days before Halloween and insisted they talk about costumes. “This is a goddamn work party for children. No fucking...BDSM costumes or whatever the hell you probably put in there just to see me sputter when you suggest them.”

“You’re no fun,” Jim complained, deleting several options before Leonard even saw them. Curious as to what exactly his friend was up to, he swiped the tablet from Jim’s hands and rolled his eyes at the first picture that he saw, which was of a gay couple dressed as shirtless Batman and Robin.

“Does this imply that Batman and Robin are fucking?”

“That’s just equality, Bones.”

“No shirtless costumes. This is a  _ work party for children _ . Some of these people might’ve already had heart attacks, I don’t wanna give ‘em another.”

“We could always add some sorta shirt situation to this, problem solved.”

“No fucking hot pants. Nobody at work needs to see that much of my ass” Leonard declared. Admittedly, he thought Jim’s ass would look absolutely incredible in shorts like that, but there was a time and a place and this was neither.

“They may not need to, but I don’t see why they wouldn’t want to,” Jim winked dorkily, “I mean, who wouldn’t?”

“Do you have any real suggestions or is this all just a bunch of half naked twinks?”

“I researched gay couple Halloween costumes extensively,” Jim nodded, imitating solemnity. 

“Oh, I’m sure you did, and I’m sure you didn’t enjoy the experience at all,” Leonard rolled his eyes. Some of the pictures Jim had pulled up were damn near pornographic.

“Okay, but Bones, none of this shit is  _ us _ , ya know? Hours on google for what? And I knew you’d never go for any of the fun shit I came up with…”

“Not at work.”   
“You keep saying that, which implies that you’d be willing to go out with me in nothing but hot pants at other events, and I plan on holding you to that.”

“I think the fuck not,” Leonard shook his head. Unlike his friend, he at least pretended to have a shred of dignity. “I can’t think of a single event I’d ever want to attend where that was an appropriate dress code.”

“Oh, we could wear it to pride next year!” Jim exclaimed, suddenly all excited about the idea despite Leonard’s insistence that no way, not ever, was he going out like that.

“Too much glitter. Now do you have any ideas or am I just gonna put my skeleton pin on my scrubs again?”

“That is so intensely boring, I hate that you do that. But yes, I did come up with something because I’m brilliant and wonderful. Drumroll please.”   
“Out with it.”

“Come on, please?”

“Fine,” Leonard grumbled, because Jim was making  _ that face _ and he was powerless in the face of those wide blue eyes. He tapped on the table, pretending to be more put out about the whole situation than he actually was, and Jim grinned in a way that he felt all the way down to his toes before saying,

“X-Files. Mulder and Scully. It’s not embarrassing, totally work-party with children appropriate, iconic, plus it’s like one of our go-to binge shows!”

“That’s all well and good, Jim, but I’m not wearing drag to work,” he insisted. He knew who he was in the situation. Doctor and skeptic with an eccentric friend turned lover? It wasn’t even a question.

“You don’t have to wear drag! I mean, you could, I bet your ass looks great in a pencil skirt, but she wears pants a lot too. You could just wear a 90s style suit and we could get FBI badges and I’ll wear my ‘I want to believe’ shirt! It’s a bit more low maintenance than I usually go for, but I think it’ll work!”

“I don’t hate it,” Leonard admitted and Jim grinned triumphantly,

“‘Course you don’t, it’s great! I’ll get us badges and, oh! We should get chunky 90s cell phones!”

“No guns in the hospital. Not even fake ones.”

“Obviously,” Jim rolled his eyes, “I’m not a complete dumbass. We should do something after, too! I know this bar that’s doing a Halloween trivia night, and I think you’ll actually really like it! No glitter, I promise.”

“Aren’t we going to Scotty’s to watch horror movies that night?” Leonard asked. As far as he knew that was their long standing plan, they were finally going to get the whole group together again which was sometimes tricky to do with everyone’s conflicting schedules. In fact, they’d been missing at least one person from DnD nights since Hikaru’s wedding.

“We could ditch,” Jim suggested.

“Were you raised in a barn? That’s rude, we’ve had these plans for a month, we’re not ditching just to go get drinks by ourselves. We can get drinks any old time.”

“Great, fine,” Jim huffed a little, suddenly annoyed at something, Leonard couldn’t guess what. “Well I feel like going out, so I might bow out early or something. You don’t have to come with me if you don’t want to.”

“We’ll see,” Leonard conceded, “But I’m not ditching the plans we’ve had all month just because you want to go to a bar.”

“Fine,” Jim nodded, pushing his chair back and clearing the plates off the table, “Can you do dishes? I got like 5 damn work emails in the past half hour, I think someone’s having a crisis or something.”

“Yeah, of course,” Leonard agreed, and Jim left him in the kitchen with a faint feeling that something had gone slightly wrong in that conversation.

“So you’re bringing Jim to the Halloween party, right?” Christine asked Leonard as they finished up their last surgery of their shift. It had gone a bit long, so the event would’ve already started and Jim was probably wandering around flirting with everyone who would stand still long enough. Leonard wasn’t worried, though. Jim was used to his unpredictable work hours and never had a problem when he was late because it was really impossible to accurately judge what his days were going to be like as a trauma surgeon. Jim wasn’t going to be upset about waiting, and probably had made some new friends in the meantime.

“Yeah,” Leonard nodded, stripping himself of his gloves and gown, finally done in the OR for the day. “He’s probably already here, befriending the entire goddamn surgical department.”

“He’s quite a charmer, that one,” Christine agreed with a laugh, “Can’t say I’m surprised he finally got to you.”

“What makes you think it wasn’t me that got to him, huh?” Leonard asked gruffly, even though Chris was undoubtedly right.

“Gotta say, you two make a weird couple. I probably wouldn’t have guessed someone like him for you, but your different types of weird balance each other out.”

“You’ve only met the guy once, Chris.”

“Yeah, well, you talk about him  _ constantly _ . I shouldn’t have been surprised when you told me you guys were dating, it’s been ‘Jim this’ and ‘Jim that’ constantly since I met you. You’ve always been such a hopeless case.”

“Thanks for the input,” Leonard grumbled, “Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to get changed before my boyfriend leaves me for that 19 year old CNA dressed as a goddamn playboy bunny like this is a frat house and not a place of fucking medicine.”

“Oh, let her have her fun,” Christine shook her head, “But I don’t think you have to worry about Jim, if the way he was looking at you this spring was any indication, you might as well be the only person in his universe.”

That probably shouldn’t have made Leonard happy, given that he was still refusing to consider actually pursuing a relationship with Jim, as much as he liked him and, hell, even loved him, but he found the idea of being the center of Jim’s universe a pretty damn good thing, actually. Even if only from an outside perspective.

Leonard found Jim hanging at the nurses’ station they planned to meet at, a cup of punch in his hand as he talked animatedly to several children all dressed up for Halloween. The old suit jacket and pants he found at the thrift store were a little big for his lean frame, he’d clipped his visitor badge right next to his FBI badge on his jacket, his golden hair was all over the place, and he was, as always, the most beautiful thing Leonard had ever laid eyes on. Leonard felt his heart skip a beat and shook his head to himself. Christine was right, he really was a helpless case.

“Hey, Jim,” he said softly, trying not to interrupt Jim’s conversation with the kids as he slid his arm around his friend’s waist and pulled him close, reveling in the chance to do what he’d been wanting to do for months, at least. Jim, though, chose to be interrupted and turned away from the kids to smile and kiss him quickly on the cheek. Leonard longed for the kiss to have been on the lips, and  _ more _ , more than just a chaste peck at a work party, but he knew that regardless of the setting a kiss on the cheek was probably best. He already couldn’t get the feeling of Jim’s lips out of his head, he didn’t need to reinforce that, as much as he wanted to.

“Hey, Bones,” Jim greeted him, “Kids, this is the Scully to my Mulder, the brilliant Dr. McCoy. I’ve just been explaining to these kids about how aliens are definitely real.”

“I think you’re supposed to just give them their treats and move on,” Leonard said, but the kids didn’t seem too put out over Jim keeping them there for longer than strictly necessary. Jim was always wonderful with kids and the whole thing pulled at Leonard’s heartstrings a little.

“Mr. Kirk was just telling us about how many galaxies there are!” a kid of about 8, dressed as a vampire and sitting in a wheelchair with an IV hooked onto it, exclaimed brightly.

“As I was saying,” Jim went on, ignoring Leonard fondly rolling his eyes, “There are estimated to be at least 2  _ trillion _ galaxies, and at least 100  _ billion _ stars just in our galaxy alone. Think of how many planets that adds up to! It’s statistically impossible that we’re the only form of life anywhere in the universe!”

“Am I gonna be abducted by aliens, then?” a kid dressed as a princess who he recognized as belonging to one of the nurses asked, sounding partially excited and partially scared.

“As much as that would be fun, most people who say they were abducted by aliens are probably crazy, making it up, or both,” Jim said, finally speaking like a rational damn human being, “Space is  _ so big _ that it takes forever to get anywhere. Aliens are undoubtedly real, but as for if they’ve ever visited earth?” he shrugged, “Juries still out. Now who wants candy?”

The kids excitedly grabbed pieces of chocolate from the bowl Jim was holding and put them in their bags, though the patients wouldn’t be able to eat all they were going to get anyways. At least not all at once. This was really more for the ritual of it than anything else, kids staying long term in the hospital weren’t generally able to eat an entire bag full of sweets. 

“Don’t pass your weird fantasy of being abducted by hot aliens onto the innocent children,” Leonard mumbled under his breath after the kids made their way to the next station handing out candy.

“I didn’t say anything about what I was gonna do when I got there! Besides, are you honestly telling me that if you got abducted by hot aliens you wouldn’t, ya know…” Jim wiggled his eyebrows for effect. Leonard elbowed him in the ribs,

“We’re not having this conversation, you menace.”

“I’m right,” Jim proclaimed proudly, then drew back a little to lean against the nearest desk and grinned, all sickly sweet and teasing, “So, honey, tell me about your day.”

“Ya know, I don’t think Mulder ever wore a t-shirt with his suit jacket like this,” Leonard remarked, flicking Jim in the chest because he didn’t trust himself with longer, more intimate contact.

“Oh, fuck you, it’s part of the look.”

“Fuck you very much as well, Jim.”

“Anytime you want, baby, you know where to find me,” Jim winked then turned his attention to a group of approaching children that he probably planned on confusing with weird space facts again. Leonard was then probably the only one of the pair who heard Christine mutter,

“You two are so weird,” under her breath as she added yet more fake spiders to the fake cobwebs adorning the nurses station. Leonard shot her daggers, but she didn’t seem to care. He was going to have to work on that, he was worried he was losing his touch.

“Like I said, you are such a hopeless case,” Christine said with a smile, leaning against the counter next to Leonard as Jim played an impromptu game of hacky sack with a random child.

“Is it that obvious?” he asked, hoping he wasn’t staring at Jim with too much love in his eyes. Jim wasn’t a total idiot, he would notice something like that if it kept happening.

“Is that a bad thing? He’s your boyfriend.”

Leonard said nothing, and focused on the scuff marks on the floor.

“McCoy,” Chris said, in that voice that made it obvious she knew something was up. There was no talking his way out of this one, and he suddenly felt like he didn’t want to.

“Ya know how the fundraiser gala only allowed significant others as plus ones?”

Christine drew her brows together, then grabbed Leonard by the wrist and pulled him into the nearest supply closet,

“Are you trying to tell me that you guys aren’t actually dating?”

“We’re dating according to everyone here, all of Jim’s coworkers, and my family.”

Christine shook her head, looking as exasperated as she did with new surgical interns who didn’t know their head from their ass but thought they had the right to tell her what to do because she was “just” a nurse.

“You’re in love with him though,” she stated. It wasn’t a question. Shit, he must be really obvious.

“Probably was before we started all of this, I was just too much of a dumbass to realize it.”

“He’s in love with you too.”

“Maybe, I dunno.”

“The way he looks at you...McCoy, that’s not platonic. You’re a smart guy, you have to realize that.”

“It doesn’t matter if he loves me or not. We’re not doing this, I’m not risking this, he’s the most important thing in my life.”

“Once bitten, twice shy,” Christine quipped, “Everything is risky, friendship is risk, but risk makes life worth living. Life is short. I mean, hell, we see it all the time. If you get hit by a train today, do you really want to be lying there thinking about how you wish you’d told him?”

“Nice and morbid, thanks Chris,” he drawled, “Now would you kindly stay in your own business, where you belong?”

“I don’t do that well,” she smiled, “Think about it. I’m right, and you guys are cute. Now get outta here, I don’t need your man jealous of me. Again.”

“You’re full of it, Chapel,” he snapped before slipping out of the closet and hoping Jim didn’t notice where he went for a few minutes.

The Halloween party was always one of the highlights of Leonard’s year, but it was so much better with Jim there, to the point where he wondered how he’d had any fun before. Seeing patients, who were often devastated about missing Halloween and some of whom Leonard had operated on himself, run, hobble, or wheel themselves around the halls of the hospital collecting candy at various nurses’ stations always warmed his heart. Add Jim, happy and endlessly charming as he passed out candy and chatted with children, to the mix and it was the single best way Leonard could imagine spending his Halloween. They only had about an hour by the time Leonard actually arrived, but it was a nice hour and he enjoyed himself immensely. Finally, he took Jim’s hand and the pair made their way out of the hospital, only to be stopped in the elevator by a woman accompanied by a young child. After a long few moments of the woman staring at him, which always made him deeply self-conscious, she finally said,

“Dr. McCoy?”

The woman’s voice made Jim look up from the social media app he was mindlessly scrolling through on his phone, and Leonard just furrowed his brows and asked,

“Yes?”

“Uh, sorry to bother you, but my name is Sam Waters and you saved my life three years ago. You probably don’t remember, but I just wanted to, ya know, say thanks. On behalf of myself, and my son.” The woman sounded a bit awkward, which was actually exactly how Leonard felt. Jim was watching the exchange with suddenly rapt attention, and Leonard wished he could be as smooth and effortlessly friendly as his friend could. The thing was, though, he did remember the woman, now that he was looking at her. She had come in with a number of stab wounds to the chest and abdomen, just barely hanging onto consciousness enough to repeat “I’m pregnant, my baby, please save my baby,” over and over again. It had been a hell of a fight, but the woman had left the operating room alive and still pregnant. Being a surgeon, Leonard didn’t always find out what became of his patients after they got moved into the ICU or discharged altogether, but he’d always had a soft spot for kids so made it a point to find out when the woman delivered her baby safely four months later. Leonard cleared his throat and looked down at the child, then back up at the mother,

“I remember. That’s the baby?”

In response, she lifted the boy up and smiled, “Beni, this is Dr. McCoy, he did surgery on your mommy when you were still in my tummy. Can you say hi?”

The boy did not say hi, however he did lean out and wrap his little arms around Leonard’s shoulders. Not used to receiving hugs from random children, and not having much experience with toddlers despite his soft spot for kids, he simply patted the boy on the back a few times awkwardly.

“I hope you’re well,” he said, because it seemed like the right thing to say and he never had figured out how to handle these situations.

The elevator dinged, stopping on a floor that wasn’t his so therefore must’ve been the woman’s. She laughed and pried her son away from Leonard,

“I’m just, ya know, visiting a sick friend. I’m fine, Beni’s fine, in no small part thanks to you. I haven’t forgotten that so...thanks. Enjoy your day.”

She then slipped out of the elevator and when the doors finally closed again Leonard exhaled deeply,

“Well, thank God that’s over.”

Jim looked over at him, blue eyes seemingly perfectly round,

“What do you mean? Do you not like running into old patients? You always talk about how you wish you could keep better track of how people are doing.”

“It’s awkward as hell,” he grumbled, “What the hell am I supposed to say to that? She’s crediting me for the existence of her son, how does one even react to that? I was just doing my job.”

Jim looked at him for a moment, saying nothing, then shook his head,

“You know that’s a load of bullshit, right?”

“Jim…”   


“No, I’m serious. You’re really fucking good at your job, and your job is incredible. I’d be willing to bet that most surgeons in this hospital couldn’t have done what you did with that woman, hell I’d be willing to bet that most of them wouldn’t attempt it. Give yourself some credit.”

“I ain’t sayin’ it wasn’t hard, I’m saying I think it was my responsibility to try and I did and it worked. If I had done any less than everything I could do, I wouldn’t be worth my goddamn medical license. And I ain’t saying that she shouldn’t’ve said anything, she was nice and I’m touched she remembered me, but God, what the hell am I supposed to say to that? It’s just awkward, I never know how to have those conversations, especially not years later.”

“Does this happen to you a lot?”

“Usually it’s just cards and shit. It’s happened a few times, though, just chance run-ins. I’ve never been able to figure out what to say.”

“Ya know, I feel like a solid 50% of your precious reputation as the unapproachable scary guy is just waves and waves of personal awkwardness. You’re just a big, awkward, teddy bear.”   
“Thanks, Jim,” Leonard rolled his eyes.

“No, but really Bones, you’re a fantastic doctor and an even better person. No arguments, I will not be accepting them. I’m biased but I’m right,” Jim crossed his arms over his chest as they walked through the hospital lobby and towards the doors.

“Thanks, Jim,” he repeated, but more sincere this time. Jim shot him a smile before coming to a stop just outside the doors, 

“So, drinks?”

“I told ya, not tonight. I’m not ditching something I already said I’d go to just ‘cause you want to go chat people up in a bar.”

“Fine, well have fun at Scotty’s. Tell everyone I say hi.”

“You’re really not coming? Don’t be a toddler, we can get drinks any old weekend.”

“Nah, I’ve got a date tonight.”

Leonard felt like the floor fell out from under him, which wasn’t even remotely fair. Jim didn’t owe him shit, they weren’t together, Jim could go out if he wanted to. It’s just he  _ hadn’t _ , not since they’d started this. He found that the idea of Jim dancing and drinking with some stranger was enough to make him vaguely nauseous. And, God, what if he went home with them…

“With who?” Leonard asked, because he couldn’t not, “Just 15 seconds ago you were trying to get me to get drinks with you.”

“Some girl at the gym asked me out. I would’ve cancelled if you’d been up for ditching Scotty’s party with me, but since you’re not, well, I don’t see any reason why not.” Jim shrugged nonchalantly. And, damn him, Leonard nearly backed down and said he’d go get drinks with his friend just so he wouldn’t go out with someone else, but he couldn’t have that attitude. Jim wasn’t his, he had to get used to the idea of Jim dating other people, especially if he wasn’t going to tell him about his feelings. So he was going to play the good friend and not try to ruin Jim’s night. 

“Well have fun. But quit bein’ so flaky, it irritates people.” That was somehow the best he could manage. 

“That’s not…” Jim shook his head and groaned, “Whatever. I’ll see you later. Have fun at Scotty’s.”

Leonard did not have fun at Scotty’s. And it wasn’t just because Jim wasn’t there. Sure, everything was more enjoyable with Jim by his side, but he did actually know how to spend time with their friends without Jim there. No, Leonard did not have fun at Scotty’s scary movie night because try as he might, he just wasn’t able to get the idea of Jim on a date with some random girl from his gym out of his head. His friends noticed, of course, especially when he wasn’t pointing out the medical inaccuracies of horror movies as he was wont to do, but he simply dismissed it as having had a bad day at work. Everyone just assumed that meant something tragic and/or gruesome had happened, and nobody was going to pry into that. Well, Jim usually would, but not in front of everyone. So he simply sat on the couch emotionally eating popcorn, not really caring that the guy dying on screen was strangled way too quickly, and failing to stop thinking about Jim being out with someone else. Dammit, maybe he should’ve accepted Jim’s offer for drinks, although the problem was less that Jim was out with someone tonight and more that he was out with someone at all. And he may have rescheduled that if Leonard had wanted to hang out, because they were best friends and that had always meant a lot to both of them, but Jim still wanted to go out with someone else. And of course he did. They weren’t even dating, he had no right to be upset by this. That didn’t change the fact that he was, though.

He didn’t stay late, instead choosing to bow out early even though he knew it was rude. But he wasn’t good company that night anyways. He knew Jim wasn’t going to be home, it was still before midnight, but a piece of him was still disappointed to return home to an empty apartment. He strongly considered pulling out his good bourbon and getting drunk off his ass until he stopped being so upset, but really he was just tired so instead he collapsed in bed and tried to sleep his problems away.

As it turns out, that didn’t work out so well either. Leonard was awoken around 2 am and meant to just roll over and go back to sleep until he heard something that unmistakably was a moan. He opened his mouth, prepared to yell at his roommate to shut the hell up, and that if he had to jerk off at 2 am if he could be so kind as to be fucking  _ quieter _ about it. But then he heard another moan, and a distinctly female voice saying Jim’s name, and Leonard’s blood ran cold. Shit, that wasn’t just Jim and his hand in the other room. Jim never, ever, not even back when they’d first started living together and Jim hooked up a lot more than he did now, brought people home with him. As far as he knew, Jim had never brought a hookup home when Leonard was actually around. But for some reason his roommate had picked today to start hooking up in their shared apartment, because the universe had it out for him. Leonard’s first instinct was to bang on the wall the two of them shared and tell them to keep it the hell down, but he worried that if he did that Jim would get annoyed, there would end up being some sort of confrontation in the morning, and Leonard wouldn’t be able to keep his jealousy to himself. And he was wildly, incredibly jealous. He had no right to be, but that certainly never stopped anyone before. He was hurt, too. There had been part of him that thought Jim maybe felt the same way, that it was only a matter of time before he lost control of his stupid principal of refusing to risk their friendship and Jim would be ready and willing when he confessed his feelings. Stupid. He was so stupid. Jim was his best friend, nothing more. If Jim felt the same way, he wouldn’t have brought some random fucking woman home. Leonard was so far gone that he didn’t even  _ want _ anyone else, all his fantasies were of Jim and Jim alone, and he knew if he even tried anything with anyone else he would’ve been filled with a strange, misplaced sense of guilt the entire time, as though he was betraying something that didn’t even exist. 

So he didn’t bang on the wall or shout or anything, instead he grabbed his phone, his pillow, and a blanket, and stalked angrily to his bathroom. He closed the door, curled up on the cool tile floor, and turned on some white noise to cancel out the muffled noise of his friend doing with someone else what he desperately wished he’d do with him. It took him a while to get back to sleep, his thoughts racing with both anger at Jim for doing this, and anger at himself for having the audacity to be angry at Jim in the first place. Fuck, this was getting messy.

Leonard decided, the next morning while scowling into a cup of coffee, that this whole situation had gotten drastically out of his control. His feelings, his jealousy over his best friend living his goddamn life, it had all gotten out of hand. It was time for him to end this. Hell, it was time for him to end this months ago, at least. He didn’t know how to tell Jim without showing his hand, especially after the events of the previous night, but he had to do something. If he tried to bring Jim home with him for Thanksgiving as his boyfriend, he didn’t know what he was going to do.

His feeling that this all had to end was only reinforced when Jim trudged into the kitchen in just a pair of pajama pants and socks, with several hickies adorning his neck and chest. Leonard had half a mind to retreat back to his bedroom but instead continued glowering into the coffee that he didn’t have much of a desire to drink anymore.

“Morning, Bones!” Jim exclaimed happily and hopped up onto the bar stool next to his. Leonard merely grunted in acknowledgement. “How’d ya sleep? You look half dead.”

“Slept fine,” he remarked, choosing to keep “no thanks to you” in his head, where it probably belonged. “Just hungover.” He wasn’t, but it seemed like an easy lie to explain his shitty mood, and Jim had no proof to the contrary.

“Tough break,” Jim slapped him on the back, “How was Scotty’s? What’d you guys watch?”

“Nothing memorable. Hollywood needs to hire damn medical consultants on movies. The next time I see someone on screen get strangled until they pass out, but they’re fucking dead…” That was, in truth, the only part of the movie he remembered, and they’d watched two. He’d been too damn pissy to pay attention to anything else. Then, because if he didn’t ask he’d be a dick, “How was the date?”

“Oh, ya know,” Jim let out a little fake laugh that had Leonard actually looking up from his coffee as Jim tilted his head back, better exposing the line of bruises on his neck. “I’d say it went pretty well.”

Leonard got the sudden impression that, for whatever reason, Jim was fucking with him. Maybe he was trying to induce jealousy, maybe he was just being intentionally irritating, but Leonard knew Jim well enough at that point to know when the man was messing with him for some reason. He resolved to not rise to the bait, at least not out loud. 

“Good for you. You gonna tell me about the actual date, or just show off your hickies like a goddamn 12 year old?” Leonard, in truth, had about zero desire to know about Jim’s date, and wanted to forget it happened altogether, but he thought it’d disarm his friend a bit, and by the way Jim was momentarily stunned silent, it seemed he was right. Good, he wasn’t going to play into Jim’s hand, not when it was this obvious.

“I, uh, yeah. It was fine, she was nice.”

Leonard nodded, then forced himself to take another sip of coffee just for something to do in the suddenly awkward silence that had come over the room. He wasn’t used to silence with Jim being awkward, and it was only made worse by the fact that he couldn’t help but think that they were both having half of entirely different conversations. He didn’t know what was going on in Jim’s head, and there were seemingly a million layers of subtext to this discussion, and Leonard only barely knew his own, let alone Jim’s.

“Look, Bones, about Thanksgiving. I was thinking, and…” Jim finally broke the silence, but seeing a way to get this conversation out of the way without it looking like he initiated it because he was mad or jealous or frustrated, Leonard jumped on the opportunity,

“We’re not doing Thanksgiving.”

“I...huh?”

“I have to work, I’ve been meaning to tell you, but I couldn’t get it off this year. Christmas Day as well, so there’s really no point in going home for the holidays if I’m gonna miss the actual holidays.” In truth, Leonard had to work neither day, but it wouldn’t be hard to put himself back on the shift schedule for the holidays. People were always looking for the days off.

“You’ve always been able to get the winter holidays off. I thought that was like the whole point of you working every other holiday all year. I mean, hell, you’re the best surgeon in the hospital, I don’t understand…”

“People have emergencies on holidays too, Jim. Who do you think takes care of all the people who get into political debates at the dinner table and end up with a carving fork in their chest? True story, saw it during residency.”

“Not you, usually. I thought you and Boyce had an arrangement.”

“Arrangement’s over,” Leonard declared, finishing the rest of his coffee in a single gulp and sliding out of his seat, eager to get out of this fraught conversation. “I’m gonna take a shower, don’t forget eggs when you go to the grocery store.”

“Eggs. Got it,” Jim mumbled, and just as Leonard slipped into his bedroom he saw Jim smack his head against the counter and declare, “I wish someone would stab me with a carving fork.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realize this ended on a bit of a low note, but one last chapter! The next one has the payoff :)
> 
> Shoutout to the lovely people in the McKirk Discord who helped me brainstorm Halloween costume ideas, even though I didn't use any of them. Oops.


	8. Thanksgiving

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which they get a clue

In the over 3 weeks since Halloween, Leonard had realized several things. First, and chief among his problems, was that Jim was mad at him. It might not have been terribly obvious to people who weren’t actually in their friendship, but something was off. Jim was more quiet than usual, and there was a notable decline in wide grins, easy laughter, and casual flirting from his friend. Any attempts to get Jim to talk about what was bothering him had failed, but Leonard was pretty sure he could account for it anyways. If he couldn’t, well, he’d been wasting the past few weeks constantly dissecting this for nothing. First, he realized that to Jim’s ears it probably sounded like he was being uninvited from Thanksgiving, that Leonard was using work as an excuse to avoid spending time with him. And...well there was some truth in that, actually, but it was more complicated than Jim obviously was aware of. And then there was the issue with Jim’s little hookup on Halloween night and subsequent behavior in the morning. Really, the only conclusion Leonard could draw from that was that Jim was trying to make him jealous, but he didn’t really know what to do with that information. He’d obviously played it wrong, though, and made Jim think he didn’t give a shit about who he was sleeping with, despite that being very far from the truth. And that led him to the unavoidable revelation that, at the very least, Jim Kirk wanted in his pants. Maybe more, maybe he loved him too, but regardless the man was clearly upset that whatever convoluted plan he’d had hadn’t worked out like he’d wanted. And at the time, Leonard would’ve stood by how their conversation went that morning. He and Jim in a romantic, or even strictly sexual, relationship would be a minefield he wasn’t willing to risk, even if Jim loved him too. But the longer this tension dragged on, the more he became acutely aware of how easy it was to fuck up a friendship as well, and the more he regretted what he’d said to Jim that day, regretted everything he’d done or said that made Jim think he wasn’t interested.

At first, he thought that simply allowing this to resolve itself would be the best option, but that kept not happening, things kept being weird, and he was really going to have to confront Jim about this at some point. Lately it was seeming like not saying something was more of a risk to their friendship than a relationship ever would be, so he realized he had to say something soon. Preferably before he went fucking insane thinking about it all the time.

He was pretty sure he’d analyzed and overanalyzed every little detail of their interaction on the morning after Halloween a million times by that point. Hell, he’d even moved onto overanalyzing all of their interactions over the past year, all of his own feelings and thoughts and fears and weird divorcee baggage. He thought about it pretty much all the time, except when he was in surgery, which was the one place he could ever make himself turn that part of his damn brain off. So he threw himself into work because it was easier, and on Thanksgiving when someone came in towards the end of his shift he jumped at the opportunity to not sit at home all evening in his weirdly tense apartment, thinking about everything that had led him to this point and what exactly he wanted to do to fix it. Instead, he was going to help save a life and he wasn’t going to think about his goddamn friendship with Jim once during the whole thing.

The surgery had been long and complicated, just what Leonard needed to take his mind off things. It would have been almost relaxing if the patient hadn’t been so goddamn touch and go the entire time. It was nearly 1 am by the time they got the patient stabilized, and he’d been on shift for so long he felt like he was back in his residency. Something he’d realized, long ago during some other problem he’d been avoiding with work, was that the easy stuff didn’t help him keep his mind off whatever he was trying to not think about. For instance, he had no problem thinking about Jim incessantly while doing some stitches. He could do stitches piss drunk with his eyes closed - that wasn’t even an exaggeration, as Jim had once challenged that notion and he proved himself correct on the spot by giving a banana a neat row of stitches. He barely remembered the experience, but Jim always thought it was hilarious. God, there he was again, thinking about Jim. He made the new resident in the room close up the patient instead, because making sure the baby faced new doctor across the table from him didn’t fuck up took more of his brain power than just doing it himself. But then suddenly the patient was coding and everything was all motion and adrenaline and a panicked resident insisting they didn’t do anything wrong and not a single thought of Jim’s stupid blue eyes anywhere in Leonard’s head. Not until this was done, at least.

“What crawled up your ass and died?” Christine all but ambushed him coming out of the locker room, and refused to fall out of step with him as he trudged through the quiet halls of the hospital, intent on going home and falling asleep as soon as physically possible. This was the last thing he needed. Chris may have been his favorite person in the hospital, but she didn’t take any shit. He actually liked that about her, but when it was turned on him it could sometimes be irritating.

“Oh, I dunno, maybe I spent all of Thanksgiving evening operating on a patient that fucking died anyways, I just got cried on by a new widow who thought her husband was fine ‘cause some jackass told her when we were closing him up that he’d made it through, I’ve been awake so long I think I’m hallucinating residency, and, speaking of, that goddamn resident seems to be convinced they killed a man with fucking stitches.”

“I mean in general,” Chris clarified. Leonard walked faster, attempting to lose her, but Chris was only a little shorter than he was and she’d ran track in college. He wasn’t shaking her that easily.

“In general? I think they call that my southern charm.”

“I mean recently. You’ve been in a shitty mood all month.”

“Now that just ain’t any of your business.”   


“So it’s about Jim, then. What happened? Did you get rejected?”

“I think I accidentally rejected him,” Leonard said, unable to keep his goddamn mouth shut with how tired he was. And, really, that was the conclusion he’d been most drawn to lately, even though he didn’t much care for it. He didn’t like the idea of having hurt Jim, but they were probably way past that.

“Your problems are stupid,” she declared, “And if you don’t go home and talk to that man right now I’ll give all the interns and residents your personal cell phone number.”

She’d do it, too. He knew she would. Christine was a goddamn force to be reckoned with. Most new people started off afraid of Leonard, because he could be prickly and had zero tolerance for bullshit or incompetence, but everyone quickly realized that if there was anyone to be feared in trauma and surgery, it was Christine, not him.

“I don’t know if…” Leonard started and she rolled her eyes,

“If you’re about to say you don’t know if you two are a good idea, then I swear to God, McCoy…”

“We’d be happy together.” It felt weird to say it out loud, but it felt more real as he said it. “If I didn’t fuck it up.”   


“Newsflash, you’re already fucking it up.”   


“I know. I know. I kept thinkin’ the problem would fix itself, I know I need to talk to him. If anything, this is just showin’ me that we can break each other’s hearts just fine without a relationship.”

“So no reason not to go for it then,” she finished, “Now go fix your stupid, self inflicted problems. God, I thought surgeons were supposed to be  _ smart _ .”   


“You’ve never thought that,” he challenged.

“Oh, I had brief delusions of the competency of others in nursing school,” she shrugged, “Now get lost, McCoy. I’m not the one you should be having conversations about your feelings with at 2 am.”

“I’m pretty sure if Jim and I tried to have this conversation in the middle of the night someone would end up crying!” he called after her. Neither of them were at their most emotionally coherent this late. If he was going to talk to Jim, which he really needed to do, it was going to be tomorrow, not tonight. 

“Yeah, me! From your stupidity!” she shouted back with a laugh, retreating into the parking garage. He rolled his eyes and sighed. God, he needed a stiff drink, something to eat, and at least 10 hours of sleep. Then he’d deal with the Jim situation. And he would deal with it. At this point, he had to. He was rapidly running out of options he could deal with.

It was nearly 3 am by the time Leonard quietly opened the door to the apartment he shared with Jim, trying to be careful not to wake his friend up. This quickly became even more of a priority when he saw Jim’s sleeping form sprawled out on the couch, lying on his stomach with one long leg hanging off the edge. Tufts of soft golden hair fell in his face as he breathed steadily, and Leonard felt a pang in his chest. God, he had to fix this, Chris was right, he needed to do it tomorrow. And in the face of Jim passed out sleeping peacefully on the couch, he struggled to think of any of the reasons he’d ever had for not doing this in the first place.

“Christ, kid,” he muttered under his breath, “You’re gonna kill me.”

Slipping off his shoes to quiet his footballs, Leonard padded over to the couch and tucked a blanket around Jim’s sleeping form. The best blanket in the apartment, Leonard's, that he never let Jim use because one time the man had spilled soup on it. Unable to resist, but all the while knowing he was pushing his luck, he reached out and pushed Jim’s bangs out of his face, relishing the feeling of the soft hair between his fingers. Jim breathed deeply and pressed his face further into the pillow and Leonard made himself take a step back before he did something stupid like kiss Jim awake or hold him in his arms as they both slept. 

“Fucking hell,” he whispered, entirely to himself, then made his way to the liquor cabniet and poured himself a finger of his good bourbon. One finger for each patient he lost, no more. That was his rule and his tradition. There was a sense of closure as he raised his glass to the air, toasting to a life he never knew, then turning back the glass and letting the liquor burn down his throat. His stomach churned as the alcohol mixed with the grand total of nothing he’d eaten for hours upon hours, and he knew he’d never be able to sleep this hungry so he threw open the fridge in search of something quick to eat, only to find himself face to face with at least a dozen containers full of food. Damn, Jim had really overdone it with the Thanksgiving takeout, apparently. Leonard quickly found what he was hoping to find, which was a container filled with macaroni and cheese, seemingly untouched, but he didn’t find what he was hoping for in the silverware drawer, where his fingers closed around nothing where the spoons should be.

“Thought you’d at least unload the dishwasher,” he mumbled, popping open the dishwasher he’d just ran that morning, intent on finding his spoon in there so he could make good on his plan to scarff some food down and sleep until the afternoon. Leonard found a clean dishwasher, as expected, but not the one he’d started before he left for his shift. This dishwasher was filled with newly clean mixing bowls, pans, and cutting boards. And, thankfully, a goddamn spoon. For a moment, he didn’t think, he only ate, standing in front of an open fridge eating cold macaroni out of the take out box at 3 am like some sort of 19 year old frat boy. But then, as he shoveled another bite of the familiar tasting pasta in his mouth, he noticed the container he was holding was one of theirs, and in fact all the containers in the fridge belonged to them. Seeing a mystery and suddenly intent on solving it, Leonard abandoned his food and began rifling through the fridge, finding mismatched containers full of turkey, redskin mashed potatoes, gravy, stuffing, sweet potato casserole, and collard greens. Add that to the tray of biscuits on the top shelf and the entire pecan pie on the shelf underneath, and it became very clear what was happening here. Jim had made him Thanksgiving dinner. Goddammit, Jim had made him what looked to be a pretty damn good approximation of a Southern Thanksgiving dinner.

“Dammit, Jim,” Leonard whispered, staring at all the food in the fridge. It was too late for this, and this month too long. He didn’t know how to deal with how warm and sort of glowy he felt thinking of Jim spending all day making dinner for him, even though they were in a weird place right now. And Jim had cleaned, too. The only evidence that he’d cooked at all lay in the clean dishes still sitting in the dishwasher and a few sticky notes with recipes sitting on the counter. Leonard fiddled with one idly as he went back to his mac & cheese, but nearly choked on a noddle when he actually looked down at the note he was holding. There, written in Jim’s tight scrawl, read “Mashed potatoes - Eleanor McCoy”. It was as though suddenly the last piece of the puzzle fell into place. Jim hadn’t just made him a damn good approximation of a Southern Thanksgiving dinner, Jim had made him his own damn family’s Thanksgiving dinner. Leonard narrowly avoided dropping the mac & cheese on the floor from the sheer shock of it all as he thumbed through the recipe notes stuck to the counter. His aunt’s biscuits, his cousin’s stuffing, his grandma’s sweet potatoes that she always swore she’d take to her grave. Goddammit, Jim, goddammit. He’d uninvited Jim from Thanksgiving and the wonderful bastard had gone and made Thanksgiving all on his own. This must’ve taken all day. Dammit, dammit, dammit. Not really feeling like standing anymore, Leonard sank down onto the cool floor of the kitchen and pressed his head against the counter. Fuck, he couldn’t believe Jim had done all of this for him.

Actually, he could believe it, when he thought about it, but it was a bit overwhelming. Not necessarily because of what it was, but because of what it represented. He couldn’t stop thinking about something his gram had told him when he was younger and he’d asked her why she always insisted on cooking for the family. “There is love,” she’d said, “In the act of cooking for someone.” And Jim loved him. Of course Jim loved him. It seemed so obvious here and now, sitting on the kitchen floor at 3 am in the dim light after a royally shitty day. If he was being honest with himself, he’d sort of known this one for a while. But there was always this doubt that maybe Jim was just trying to get in his pants, or that Jim loved him and didn’t know it yet. And somehow it only took a tense few weeks and an entire homemade Thanksgiving dinner to make Leonard realize this. God, maybe he really was a dumbass, especially because then and there he couldn’t think of even a single halfway decent reason not to go for it with Jim. Shit, he was really going to do this, wasn’t he? Jim had all but walked him all the way up to it, really he’d be a fool not to. And he wanted to, more than he’d wanted anything in ages. 

“Goddammit,” he sighed. This time he wasn’t going to let himself chicken out of this. He loved Jim, and it was clear Jim loved him too. At this point, they were just shooting themselves in the foot, and he’d had about enough of that. Starting after he got some fucking sleep.

Leonard had been about five seconds away from falling asleep right on the kitchen floor. It wouldn’t have been the first time he passed out wherever he fell after a long day at work. At this point, Jim was just used to walking around his roommate when he suddenly decided halfway to his bedroom that he didn’t actually want to walk anymore. The sad part of all that was that he usually wasn’t drunk when it happened. In fact, the only thing that stopped him this time was him staring at Jim in a way that was probably less creepy than he felt like it was given the fact that they were both in love with each other, and he noticed his friend’s glasses were nowhere to be found. The damn kid had gone to sleep in his contacts. Again. So Leonard had forced himself up, dragged himself into Jim’s bathroom, and then back to the living room where he deposited a bottle of contact solution on the coffee table so his friend would have easy access to it when he woke up with his contacts sticking to his eyes. He then collapsed into bed without even brushing his teeth or washing the sickly sweet smell of antiseptic off his skin, and was fast asleep before he could even think twice about this weird ass day.

There was something about waking up in the middle of the afternoon that always made Leonard groggy and disoriented for a bit. It took him a few minutes after waking up to really take stock of where he was, despite having lived in this apartment for years, and why he smelled like the dingy anatomy labs at his undergrad. God, he thought as he rolled over into a stack of pillows, this was why he always showered after work. He’d just been too tired last night, after his long ass day and Jim...Jim had really made him his family Thanksgiving. Sometimes his brain would come to conclusions in the middle of the night that didn’t hold up in the light of day, but the fact remained that Jim loved him. He didn’t know why this was what it took for him to get that through his thick skull, but it was there nonetheless. And his decision to get this damn conversation over with today, that held up too. Just as soon as he had a cup of coffee. And showered and brushed his teeth. He hardly wanted to talk Jim out of his feelings by being a fucking mess. The very least he could do, he figured, as a roommate, a best friend, and a potential partner was to be caffeinated and clean for tricky conversations. It was just common courtesy. And, well, he didn’t want Jim to recoil in disgust if they kissed. Minor details.

Leonard found Jim lounging on the couch watching some documentary about space, which was so typical Jim in his spare time he almost had to laugh. Jim looked up, shot him a nervous smile, and remarked,

“Coffee’s on the counter.”

“Thanks,” Leonard grunted, picking up the mug and drinking eagerly as he puttered around the kitchen, trying to figure out what to eat for whatever meal people ate when they woke up at 2 pm. Typically the day after Thanksgiving he would always eat leftover turkey and cranberry sauce on a biscuit with some brie cheese, and upon searching through the fridge full of Thanksgiving food Jim clearly hadn’t touched that morning he found a pack of brie, which they usually never owned. God, Jim really had thought of everything, hadn’t he?

Once he had his sandwich in hand and coffee in his system, he sat down next to Jim on the couch. Jim said nothing, but the ball couldn’t more obviously be in Leonard’s court right now. Jim had made a move, a big one, maybe his last one if this didn’t work out, and now it was up to Leonard to respond. He had to meet his friend halfway, initiate the conversation that needed to be had, the one they’d both been running from for fear of vulnerability.

Leonard grabbed the remote and shut the TV off before he could talk himself out of it and stated,

“You made me dinner.”

God, he’d had how long to think about how this conversation would go and that was what he came up with? He once again wished he could be half as good at improvising in his personal life as he was in the operating room. Jim laughed a little,    


“Uh, yeah. Figured if you had to work on Thanksgiving, the least I could do was bring Thanksgiving to you.”

“I didn’t have to work yesterday,” he admitted, “I mean, I did work yesterday, but I didn’t have to. I already had it off, but put myself back on shift.”

Jim looked over at him, blue eyes guarded, as he shifted on the couch to sit cross legged and sideways, facing Leonard,

“Oh, so we’re talking about this then?”

“It’s long overdue.”   


“Some thanks for dinner this is.”

“Don’t pretend you didn’t do that hoping I’d bring this up.”

“I don’t need you to spell it out for me, Bones, I got it loud and clear a few weeks ago,” Jim sighed and ran his fingers through already messy blond hair, “Dinner was an apology, I’ve been acting like an ass. Yeah, it hurt but I need to get the fuck over myself.”

Leonard only sort of knew what his friend was going on about. God, Jim really did think he’d all but told him he didn’t feel the same way a few weeks ago, didn’t he? Goddammit.

“No, Jim, I need ya to shut up and listen for a few minutes, okay? This ain’t what you think it is.”

“What am I supposed to listen to, the hum of the fridge or something?” Jim asked when the silence dragged on a little too long. Leonard shook his head, mentally steeling himself for all of this. Even though he was certain Jim felt the same way, he very much so wished this conversation didn’t have to happen.

“I said I had to work, not ‘cause I didn’t want you comin’ back home with me, but because going on with this fake relationship bullshit anymore is a terrible idea and I couldn’t figure out how to do it anymore…”   


“This is exactly what I thought it was, actually.”

God, Jim was such a pain in his ass, sometimes it was a miracle they ever said anything to each other at all. Fuck, he might as well just cut right to it, then. There was no dancing around this one, clearly.

“Jim, I love you,” he said and God did that feel weird to say out loud while looking in those brilliant blue eyes. Good weird, and he kind of wanted to say it again so he did. “I love you. I’ve told you that before. But what I didn’t realize then, but what seems so obvious now, is that I don’t love you like a best friend. Or, well, I don’t just love you like a best friend. I love you like it’s the only thing that’s ever mattered and…”   


“You love me like I love you,” Jim interrupted him, and it wasn’t a question but Leonard nodded anyways. “Cool,” Jim smiled like he was the fucking sun itself, blue eyes electric and joyful in a way that Leonard had never seen before. But he didn’t have much time to contemplate this particular Jim Kirk expression because the next thing he knew Jim was leaning all into his space and kissing him. Now, the pair had kissed before, a precious handful of times, but this was different. Kissing Jim was always so much, but never enough, always tainted with the pressure of it being in public and the performativeness of it all. This time, though, was tinged with heat, joy, and a fair amount of relief. Leonard pulled Jim closer, intertwining one hand in his hair and another around his waist as Jim pressed their chests together and pushed Leonard’s back against the armrest of the couch.

Over the past several months, Leonard had given a lot of thought to what it would be like to kiss Jim for real, in private and just because they wanted to. Somehow, it was nothing like he imagined it. Jim’s lips were just as soft and his mouth just as sweet, but he was smiling into Leonard’s mouth like he’d just won the lottery and wasn’t nearly as insistent as Leonard assumed he’d be. He figured that Jim would kiss like it was a precursor to something, all hot and fast and dirty, but instead he kissed like it was the beginning of something, sweet and happy and with one hand staying on Leonard’s hip and the other on his neck.

“Ya know, I’m not one to look a gift horse in the mouth, but this kinda came out of nowhere,” Jim said, finally pulling away and sitting back a little. Leonard grunted slight as Jim separated them because he wasn’t nearly ready for that yet, but Jim was right they had been in the middle of a conversation that needed to be finished. 

“Is that what ya think? ‘Cause it seems to me we’ve been building to this for at least a year.”

“Definitely longer. But look, Bones, I’m not complaining but you seem to have changed your tune since last month.”

“No, Jim, what I was tryin’ to tell you before I was so rudely interrupted…”   


“You didn’t seem to mind when you had my tongue in your mouth,” Jim smirked, or at least tried to. His genuine smile couldn’t help but shine through, which sort of ruined the “I’m being intentionally obnoxious” look, in Leonard’s opinion. He liked this one better anyways.

“You were quieter when I was kissin’ you,” Leonard countered with a roll of his eyes.

“Oh, trust me, I can change that,” Jim winked and his smile bubbled over into laughter. 

“You wink again and I’ll stick my finger in your eye. Now shut the hell up and listen to me. I didn’t think it was good for either of us to keep playing at being boyfriends when I knew how I felt about you. I was getting too invested, we were just gonna end up getting hurt and confused. I couldn’t take the idea of spending Thanksgiving with you as my boyfriend, all while knowing it wasn’t true, and I didn’t know how to say that. Clearly I didn’t do it very well.”   


“ Yeah, I get that Bones, I really do, I was talking about how you didn’t even want to go out with me though.”

Leonard blinked at Jim once, raised an eyebrow, and asked, “Kid, what the hell are you going on about? You never asked me out.”

“Yeah I did,” Jim argued, “I asked you  _ twice _ to get drinks with me on Halloween and you just kept talking about how you didn’t wanna miss Scotty’s party and I figured, well, I know a rejection when I hear one.”

Leonard couldn’t help but laugh at that. It was so...well, he supposed it made a bit of sense, when he thought about it. But still, he’d spent the whole time assuming Jim was disappointed about getting uninvited to Thanksgiving, but really the man thought he’d been turned down for a date that Leonard didn’t even realize he was being asked on? He couldn’t not laugh at that. 

“Oh, shut up,” Jim laughed a little and shoved a pillow in his face, “You mock my pain.”

“That,” Leonard declared, shoving the pillow back at his friend, “Was not you asking me out.”

“Yeah it was! I asked you if you wanted to go for drinks, that’s what I do for like half my dates!”

“Jim, we go for drinks together  _ all the time _ .”

“Yeah, well, this time it was a date.”

“And how in the hell was I supposed to know that?” Leonard asked, “I thought your dumb ass was just weirdly invested in going to a bar and dragging me along with you.”   


“You really didn’t know I was asking you out?” Jim asked and when Leonard shook his head he laughed, “Okay, yeah, that’s pretty funny, I’ll give you that.”

“You sure do know how to make a guy feel special, though, having a backup date all lined up in case I turned you down.”   


“Uh, yeah,” Jim raked his fingers through his hair then brought his hands down to fidget with a hole in his jeans, “That was admittedly a mistake.”

“It most certainly was. You fucked that poor girl all in an attempt to make me jealous in the morning, she deserved more than that.”

“Okay, that’s actually a funny story but, Bones, you should know I wouldn’t take advantage of someone like that.”

“You gonna explain yourself then?”

“Essentially, this girl Kaylee from the gym asked me out. She’s cool, we talk sometimes, and I wanted to see if me going on a date with someone else would make you jealous which is why I went at all. But then I just thought about you the whole time and that didn’t seem fair to her so when she invited me to her place for coffee after I explained the whole thing to her.”   


“And then you guys fucked anyways?” Leonard asked. He was, admittedly, still jealous, even though he knew Jim was just trying to make him jealous. Apparently it had worked pretty damn well. Jim rolled his eyes, obviously hearing the bitterness in his tone,

“ _ No _ . I thought she’d be mad but she wasn’t, really, she was glad I told her and said if I bought her ice cream she’d come back here with me and let me pretend to fuck her to make you jealous. Apparently she used to do that sometimes to make her ex mad or something. So, no, Bones I didn’t take advantage of her and I didn’t fuck her and we’re actually still cool and talk at the gym all the time. So, there’s that for you.”

“You two did a mighty convincin’ job, then,” Leonard said, weirdly relieved to hear that Jim hadn’t fucked someone else last month, not that it even mattered. He knew it didn’t matter, but he also knew that, for better or for worse, he’d been thinking of Jim as his for a lot longer than the few minutes it’d been since their lips met in private for the first time.

“I wasn’t even convinced you heard us!” Jim exclaimed, “I was bitching to her at the gym last week about how it’d all been for nothing because you were such a hungover bastard in the morning I couldn’t even tell if you gave a shit or not. And then you were fucking asking me how the date was like you didn’t give a damn in the world…”   


“I gave a damn, Jim. I gave a lot of damns. I wasn’t even hungover, I was just a bastard. I had no goddamn right to be as upset as I was, and I didn’t want you to know the truth, so I figured I’d just say I was hungover and hope you droped it.”

Jim shook his head and flopped his back down on the couch in dramatic frustration, “Bones, you’re killing me here. You’re just about the most cryptic person I know and you’re  _ killing _ me, man. I thought I made it pretty damn clear that I was flirting with you like, all summer basically.”

“You flirt with everyone.”

Jim decided to make use of the pillow again, and threw it right at Leonard’s face.

“ _ Killing me _ , Bones, you are killing me. I don’t know if this means you’re horribly oblivious or I’m terrible at flirting, but you’re killing me with this shit.”

“I had my suspicions,” Leonard admitted, “But I wasn’t sure it was a good idea regardless. I...Jim, this is too damn important for me to risk.”

Jim surprised him by suddenly getting a lot more serious, and nodding solemnly, “I get it, Bones, I really do. Shit, man, you’re the first stable  _ anything _ I’ve had in my life, and you’re crazy if you don’t think that’s important to me too. But, you know what I realized?”

“What, Jim?”

“I was thinking, you told me once that I couldn’t be so closed off with you, that you can’t have any kind of relationship without putting yourself out there, and I still don’t know where you of all people get off telling me that…”   


“Oh, fuck you,” Leonard interrupted his friend, who just grinned in return,

“Later, I’m trying to talk. Basically, I dunno, I feel like if these past few weeks have proven anything it’s…”   


“We can still hurt each other as friends,” Leonard finished, “I know, I’ve been thinking about that a lot too.”

“Same wavelength, Bones,” Jim smiled, gesturing between both their heads as though they could read each other’s thoughts or something. The concept was slightly amusing, as Leonard was pretty sure even if psychics were real they wouldn’t be able to tell what Jim was thinking half the time anyways, but he could read his friend remarkably well, he’d give himself that. “We’re always on the same wavelength,” Jim continued.

“You’re always gonna be my best friend, you hear me? If we’re...readjusting the bounds of our relationship, it needs to build upon what we have, not replace it.”

“Readjusting the bounds of our relationship is pretty much the least romantic or sexy way you could ever suggest that we fuck now.”

“That’s not all this is for me,” Leonard shook his head vehemently, suddenly worried that he and Jim weren’t on the same page about this at all, even though Jim had told him he loved him, for Christ’s sake.

“Me neither, but, look, I’ve never been in a real relationship but I feel like we’re already halfway there.”

“I think we’re a lot closer than that, kid.”   


“Okay, yeah, that’s my point! What else even is there? We’ve been more like weirdly celibate boyfriends that best friends for a while anyways!”

“Ya know, when ya put it that way we’re not really changin’ much,” Leonard conceded, “If you wanna be my boyfriend…”   


“I do,” Jim nodded emphatically, “Like, it’s kinda all I’ve thought about for months, actually. I can’t stop thinking about waking up with you in the mornings, even though you’re a real bitch before your coffee. That’s how I knew I was really fucked.”

“Jim Kirk, are you a closet romantic?” Leonard asked, rather than admitting that he’d thought about waking up with Jim in his arms quite a few times himself. But then again he knew he was a sucker for sappy shit like that, it was a bit more surprising on Jim.

“I dunno, I’ve never really had a real relationship before, but I’ll let you find out if you want,” Jim offered, an entire world’s worth of vulnerability in those words. As usual, he was saying so much more than simply the words that came out of his mouth.

“I don’t know a lot of things, but I know I would love to find out,” Leonard smiled at Jim, the smile that really was only ever for his friend. The one thing that surprised him the most about this conversation is that it wasn’t nearly as nerve wracking as he thought it’d be, given the mutual fear of vulnerability between them. Maybe, when they stripped that all bare and fell back on the unconditional trust they had for each other, it was easier. He didn’t know. There was a lot of that going on for him lately.

“What else do you know, then?” Jim asked, blue eyes searching for something unseen in Leonard’s face. And there it was, the subtle request of assurance that Jim sometimes gave and Leonard was always more than happy to indulge. He picked up his friend’s hand in his, rubbing Jim’s thumb with his own as he forced them into eye contact,

“I know I love you. I know that you’re right, and everything’s a risk. I know I’ll gladly stand by your side as your best friend for the rest of our lives, and as more if you’ll let me. I know you’re gorgeous and intelligent and fun and kind and the best damn thing to ever happen to my life. I know I’d do anything for the look in your eyes right now. I know you make me happy, and I know what I want and that’s always you.”

“Sounds like you know a lot of things, actually.” The corners of Jim’s mouth turned upwards slightly, but Leonard couldn’t look away from his eyes. He didn’t think he’d ever seen Jim’s blue eyes burn quite this bright. He wanted to bottle it up and put it in his pocket for when he was having a bad day, because the look in Jim’s eyes right now could cure a goddamn rainy day.

“It took me a while to get there,” Leonard admitted, “And I’ll have you know that I also have some rudimentary medical knowledge somewhere in there. Hopefully.”

“Can I tell you something I know?” Jim asked, eyes still fixed on him, only blinking as often as was strictly necessary.

“Always.”

“I finally know what it feels like to be so fucking in love you can’t think straight.”

Leonard kissed him, then, because that seemed like the only reasonable course of action. And he realized, somewhere between him leaning forward and capturing Jim’s lips in his own and Jim kissing him so thoroughly that his higher brain function turned off, that this was the first time he’d really kissed his friend. There had been the peck at Christmas, but Jim had initiated each and every one of their other kisses. Not now, though, not anymore.

“I love you, Jim,” he mumbled into Jim’s lips as he pressed the man back into the couch, savoring the hot and sweet taste of Jim’s mouth and the feeling of roaming hands on his body.

“Are you gonna fuck me on this couch, Bones?” Jim asked, his voice raw and deep as he swung his leg up around one of Leonard's hips, drawing them ever closer together.

“Jim, when I slowly take you apart, you’re gonna have no doubt that I love you. Fuckin’ ya doesn’t even begin to cover it.”

“It’s not that I don’t believe you,” Jim said, running his hands along Leonard’s sides and up his shirt, “I just think maybe slowly won’t work out super well for us this first time. But we have all the time in the world, right?”

“Always, Jim,” Leonard promised, knowing that he meant it with everything he had. He was rewarded with that goddamn look on Jim’s face again and, powerless to those eyes and those lips that were everything he’d assumed and so much more, he went back to kissing his best friend. Boyfriend, now, as well. But still best friend. No matter what else came, always best friends. And, with that assurance, that mat to catch his fall, Leonard found falling wasn’t so scary after all. Especially when he wasn’t alone. And with Jim by his side, he never would be. They had each other, and that was never going to change. That, more than anything else in the universe, was what Leonard McCoy knew. And Jim knew it too. So they would still argue sometimes and bitch at each other about stupid stuff, but Jim was his and he was Jim’s. They probably always had been, and there was no doubt in Leonard’s mind that they always would be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow! Thanks so much to everyone for sticking through all 40K+ words of this with me. I hope you've had even half as much fun reading this as I have writing this. I've massively appreciated every single comment and kudo I've gotten, thanks so much for all being so kind! <3
> 
> Come hang out with me on tumblr @ tochaoticallygo.tumblr.com if that strikes you fancy.
> 
> Thanks for reading!


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